u/Similar-Wish-67

Started a new j1 this month after OG j1 had a round of layoffs (this is why we OE etc.).

The problem: It is not particularly OE friendly.

Lots of useless meetings, cameras on, and, while I was allegedly hired as an IC cog in the machine, I'm getting strategic type work passed off on me by my manager and executives are already expecting me to present decks with my vision for (my little contribution to) the company. Ok reading that back it sounds a little r/that happened and it's not all on me but I'm certainly not just executing work like I expected.

I knew when accepting the job that it was a late stage startup but, hey, I figured I would treat it as j3 and drop if needed.

The bigger problem: Equity.

Base salary is much lower than OG J1 but the TC is amazing....if I can last a year until my first RSU vest date.

Without getting into specifics that could out me it's ~200k that I was granted week 1 vesting over 5 years. First vest date is 1 year after my start date, which means if I hold out for a year I get ~40k, or more if the stock grows. Then it continues vesting quarterly, which means a 10k "bonus" every few months. They also target a 15% bonus in April, which wouldn't be much this year since I'm starting late in the year but still.

HOWWWWW am I going to last for a year?? My usual OE strategy is hit it and quit it but if I quit or get fired here less than a year in then it was just a pay cut and more work for nothing.

J2 was my original J I had put on the chopping block for too many meetings and way more work than OG J1, but glad I held out since OG J1 dropped me. Now I have 2 meeting-heavy jobs, but 1 is with a company with meaningful equity and the other is with a fairly stable big company with a cameras off culture.

What would you do?? I'll hold out as long as possible but my brain just short circuits in the cameras on meetings. I've had so many overlapping meetings already with j2 and I'm worried I'm at risk for slipping up and losing both. I haven't even had time to apply for other jobs because I'm in meetings 5 hours every day now.

Offboarding info just reminded me that I can roll my 401k funds over to my new employer.

Is that dumb as an OEr? I've only been at j2 for 3/4 months and have only been registered for their 401k for 2 months.

I do have an underfunded IRA set up for these purposes I could just roll it into, which was my original plan. But thought I'd get some input from the peanut gallery here.

Edit: Lots of OE-specific goodies in the comments for those of you downvoting and thinking this is a misplaced /personalfinance or /HENRYfinance question.

Figured this was it, I had been found out.

No, it was J2 manager telling me they were giving me a spot bonus after just 3 months at the company for "exceeding all expectations" on the project I was brought on for in my first 90 days. 💀

Trying to keep a low profile but AI has made my work so easy that it's hard not to over perform when most coworkers are moving so slowly even at just 1 job. We'll see if this performance level translates to the new j1 I'm starting next month. 🤞

Can't talk too big though, I've been caught in two layoffs already this year. Hashtag thisiswhyweOE etc.

Lost J1 to a restructure today. Have a few weeks of severance before j3 actually starts. Not suuuuuper surprised bc j1 is private equity owned and they just switched out literally the entire C Suite and rebranded the company over the summer. That's why I accepted j3, knowing I would likely be down to 2js by the fall anyway.

Nervous though bc I was counting on the triple stack to knock out our personal loan debt before Christmas, and j1 was the highest paying and lowest time commitment (probably why I was on the block for the layoffs lmao). My previous j2 suckedddddd and I'm so nervous I'm now leaving j1 for an unfamiliar work culture.

My total base comp just went from 270k (j1+2) to 400k (j1+2+3) to 250k (j2+3). 😭

J1 had my primary 401k with immediate vesting of the company match as well as my dependent care account. And I think some random side benefits I never sign up for at my other js bc j1 was my rock.

Onward and upward. This is why we OE etc. Someone remind me that I'm going to survive on a base HHI of $500k instead of $650k this year. 💀

Just received the j3 offer I was expecting this week (woot), but my spouse is hesitant. This would be the highest paying of the 3, more solidly in tech than my current stack, and likely to be faster paced than my current stack. Name brand recognition kind of deal.

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Spouse is worried for me, thinks I'm going to burn out. We have 4 kids, 1st grade and under.

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We have household help, nanny, two home offices (spouse works from home too), and about 200k non mortgage debt for various reasons.

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J1: Been at j1 over 2 years. Current highest pay ~150k. 2-5 hours per week of work. High leadership turnover, lots of quiet layoffs you only hear about through the grapevine or a meeting where someone says "oh, no, today was his last day" and everyone gets quiet. Brought in some "what would you say you do around here?" guys to meet with everyone recently. No opportunities for growth, which I don't care about anymore, but I'm an easy one to let go too bc I don't have many chances to prove myself there.

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J2: Only been at j2 for a month and a half. TC ~125k. Higher meeting load, hybrid-y schedule, also some turnover but my department is somewhat shielded for various reasons. I've proven myself quickly, got a "got time for a quick chat?" late this Friday afternoon and assumed the worst but it was my manager saying they were actually already going to use me as her stand in while she was out next week. Solid 20 hrs a week, more meetings, including corporate-y meetings that could have been emails. Nice people.

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J3: TC offered is ~175k. Way more PTO and sick time. Fast growing sector, equity, >130k RSUs (I'm still trying to understand vesting and such, reading the details). Unclear on meeting load yet or general workload. Interviewers gave the general "it's a bit chaotic and fast growing" impression but also seemed happy.

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I want to try all 3 for a month, at least, get a feel for which, if any, I should drop. The twist, maybe, is that I am the mom. Husband makes 250k honestly with one job. So we are both already pretty busy and relying heavily on childcare, but at the same time we know we see our kids more than most of our friends bc we have flexibility and WFH. Lots of July travel planned. Thoughts on onboarding with all the kids home for the summer and travel?? Should I do it? Can I do it?

FAQ, since some people seem very upset that I exist:

We're both around 40 with STEM master's degrees. We didn't pay for grad school, but our stipends were only about $15k/year.

I am legally disabled with a chronic autoimmune disease. For years I worked part-time while being supported by my spouse, a software engineer who is now an executive making about $250k TC. He didn't reach six figures until around 2020.

My autoimmune issues also caused infertility. After finally getting diagnosed and treated, we had four children in quick succession. I wasn't willing to delay having children indefinitely waiting for the "perfect" financial situation.

Most of our debt came from buying a larger home in 2020 when interest rates were ~2%. We have a $3,000/month mortgage on a 5,500 sq ft house that's now worth about $1M.

The real debt came afterward: furnishing a larger home, replacing a roof, HVAC, appliances, and other major systems as they failed. That took us from essentially no debt to about $125k. Add an expensive minivan for a family of six, and that's how we ended up near $200k.

We also have roughly $10–20k of actual discretionary consumer debt from recent family vacations. We decided making memories with our kids was worth it. No regrets.

I returned to full-time work in 2023 once my health was under control, but we also added childcare costs for four kids. Our household income in 2023 was about $150k according to our tax return. Because of maternity leave and time out of the workforce, I still haven't personally earned $200k in a single year since returning to work. So yeah it will be crazy if we hit a HHI of $650k given our trajectory up to this point. This is real life for a ~40yo, sorry for pulling back the veil a bit for all the young people in here.

Awaiting a j3 offer that I know will include equity. Are there any OE concerns I should be aware of with equity offers? Can they claw it back if I get caught? First time being in a position where equity is on the table and also I believe the company may "make good" in the next few years as my options vest.

I know there is a discord but I think we could cut down on some of the repetitive main posts here if we had a weekly/monthly questions post pinned for newbies and a daily/weekly chat thread for those of us actively OE-ing or interviewing.

Thoughts?