3rd kid indecision and running out of time!
I’ve read so many posts and opinions on having a 3rd kid or not, but I haven’t seen my specific thoughts yet. Wanted to see if anyone related!
I have a 9 yo and 6 yo. I am 39. Four years ago, at age 35, I had my last miscarriage. (I’ve had 3 total, so I know the drill). I had a 5 yo and 2 yo at that time and life was just so different. Though it was so difficult, I almost had a partial sense of relief. My kids are boys, they are high high needs! Like not reliably sleeping through the night in their own beds for 9 years! And possibly adhd. And I was at capacity. And I thought I was done.
For the last year, my brain has flipped into: are we done? I don’t know if someone is missing from our family, but I do surely grieve that my kids are getting older. When I do school dropoff and come home to work from home alone, it’s the most depressing feeling. I miss them and I miss it all. So we’ve tried some months/not prevented other months. I think I’m ovulating and it’s possible but hasn’t happened. Prior to ovulation my brain is like full-blown “let’s do this!!”. Then after ovulation, I panic and get more 50/50 about everything and say “ok we should be done”. It’s definitely a more practical side, the worry about the age difference which will be 10 and 7 years! Worry about how we are now in youth sports and living a different lifestyle. But I would love to slow down and just be a mom of a baby again!
Can anyone relate??? Should I stop trying and grieve this ending or do I sound like a person who is going to be 50 with regret?