Bi man, 37, in a long term relationship with a woman but want to come out to her and my family. Has anyone any advice or similar experience in a this kind of situation?
Hi, I’m a 37 year old man from Scotland and have been in a near 12 year relationship with a woman who I am engaged to.
However my sexuality is something that I have struggled with for years. I’ve twisted myself into all sorts of shapes over the years trying to convince myself that I’m straight, but I’ve known since I was 15-16 that I have some attraction to men. It doesn’t manifest itself in exactly the same way as my attraction to women. It’s less immediate, more slow burning and to a specific type of masculinity. Over the last year or so I have finally accepted in my own mind that I am definitely bisexual - I eventuality had to acknowledge that straight men don’t fantasise about naked men while masturbating as often as I have done over the last 20 years!
It’s getting to the point now where I want, or rather need, to be fully honest with the important people in my life about who I am. I have no plans to cheat on my partner or anything but I don’t think I can keep concealing this part of myself or worrying that I’ll accidentally give myself away. However I’m very anxious about how this will go and I have no idea how to start this conversation with my partner, parents and sister. My parents aren’t explicitly homophobic, but they do make casual comments and I think this will be a huge shock. My partner is the kindest and most compassionate person I know. She’s open minded but also a very anxious person - I think she would accept my sexuality to my face but I am really worried about how it would affect her internally and that she’ll constantly worry that I will cheat on her. I think my sister would be most supportive and I wonder if I should talk to her first but she has a lot on her plate with my young nephew.
I suppose I’m just looking for some advice on whether I should come out or keep this to myself, and if anyone who has been in a similar situation has any advice?
Sorry for the long and rambling post - thanks!