r/comingout

Hey m30 here and for the past couple years I've been realizing that my desire and how comfortable i am being feminine isn't just a fantasy thing.

Ive only really came out to some people online which has turned my life into like this split dilemma where I'm not being honest to my wife or myself.

Has anyone successfully came out to their significant other? Or have advice? Is it worth actually doing or should I hold onto stability

Thanks

So I want to come out to either my sister or my dad because my mum and my close friends already know but the thing is, I don’t know how. I’m not sure what to do or where to start, when I told my mum it was because I was in a bad place and she had to know why. My mum accepted me, she doesn’t care but I’m scared my sister will accidentally let it slip to someone at school and I know my dad would be accepting but I’m still scared to tell him. I’m not sure how long to wait, I want to be open fully when I leave Highschool but if anyone can offer advice that would be very appreciated, thank you.

Hello fellow redditors. Last night my mom figured out and straight up told me that she knows I(18M)am gay and she suspected I have a boyfriend.

We were having a conversation and she repeatdly asked me in the past months if I am not gay. I always said no. I called my sister because she knows im gay. Meanwhile my mom texted me who knows from my friends that im gay. And minutes later another text that I should keep it in secrete and i'll go study elsewhere next year, which I was already planning. I replied to that, that I agree. Then she barged in my room full on crying hugged me, kissed me and said she'll always love mé. She asked about my boyfriend if we're together and I said yes and if his parents know. After that my sister called me and said to me that I shouldnt tell her that we're together (WHOOPS). Before she left she turned around and I smiled on her out of shock. She just kind of looked down and looked disappointed – I understand her, her image of my entire future of how she imagined it just got destroyed. After that she went to balcony. My sister called me again and said that mom called her. I cant clearly recall what she was saying sadly.

Through the night she texted me that I should go to sleep that I have work tomorrow and similar stuff. I heard her sobbing from her room to mine, which is a bit of distance. She already has health problems and i dont want her to get worse but at the same time I know I would still need to tell her one day anyway and the reaction would be the same.

I felt reliéf when I told her and I kept laughing during the night when I told 3 of my friends, which I think is a defense mechanism. Now I feel stressed and shook.

We're probobly talking when I come home from work, if she's ready.

Any advices and opinions are welcome (did I do the right or bad thing?)

Bom pessoal, não queria estar escrevendo isso, mas estou ficando com uma menina séria e que provavelmente vai virar um namoro. Já faz 4 meses, a gente se gosta muito e estamos até falando de casamento. Só não virou um namoro porque eu estou enrolando ela por um motivo específico.

Ela já apresentou a família dela pra mim, mas eu ainda estou me preparando pra fazer o mesmo. Na real, é que tenho vergonha da minha família. Meu pai e minha mãe são simples, minha casa é feia, e eu sei que não deveria sentir isso, mas é a realidade. Tenho um salário alto, mas isso não condiz com onde eu moro — nasci em uma casa muito simples sem espaço. Minha mãe é acumuladora então deixa a casa cheia de tranqueira e o pior é que ela é bagunceira, meu pai e minha mãe só brigam, meu pai é um cara estressado, maltrata minha mãe, enfim, é tudo isso.

Tenho medo de trazer ela aqui e ela se espantar com minha casa e com minha família. E ainda tem o fato de que eu sou mulher e estou ficando com outra mulher.

Eu queria saber da opinião de vocês, vocês acham que estou pensando bobagem e que eu deveria fazer isso sem medo, o que vocês acham?

This is maybe a slightly unusual query. I’m a 37 year old man and have been with my boyfriend for a few months now. It was initially just about sex but has started to become more serious.

I had only dated women before and tried to persuade myself I was straight, but always knew in the back of my mind that I probably wasn’t. When my last long term relationship ended, I decided that I had to explore my sexuality more and I now identify as bisexual.

My boyfriend does know I’ve been with women in the past but I have never actually clarified that I am bi. It’s just something that hasn’t come up. I’m really nervous about doing so as I know there can be a lot of negativity towards bi men in the gay community and among straight people. I’m also not sure if it’s worth it - I am at the point where I have realised I probably have a sexual preference for men over women. At the same time I would like this to be a long term thing and want to be totally honest about who I am. Does anyone have any advice on what I should do and how to go about it sensitively?

There are so many scary posts about coming out. I was terrified to do it. But I just came out to my super conservative parents, and it went amazing! We had a straightforward, mature discussion about acceptance and how they’re proud of me in general and for having the courage to tell them. They’re certainly misinformed and hold some transphobic beliefs, but they were open and respectful!

Just wanted to share for those who need it. The people who love you love you for who you are, and they see past the labels! Best of luck, my fellow (wait, no, formerly fellow) closeted friends!

I’m 14, M (Trans Ftm) and am slowly coming out to my family. I’ve had short hair since I’m 11 and socially transitioned for the most part. Everyone at school knows and calls me by my preferred name, my parents also know but it’s still hard for them (They are using gender neutral language for me and are just having a hard time calling me my preferred name). I’m thinking about coming out to my family (My parents support it and would probably start calling me my preferred name even!). On my dads side, many are right wingers and some would 100% not like it, that’s mostly alright though because we aren’t in close contact with them anyways (My dad’s family is big so some of them are close to us and would support it). But on my moms side it’s a bit different, her family is small but she was born in the DDR (Eastern germany, before the wall fell) and my grandparents are well… pretty right wing aswell. My aunt is a lesbian and they had a hard time supporting that but they would NOT understand the concept of being trans. I’m their only female born grandchild aswell and I’m kind of scared to come out. I know my happiness is more important than their understanding but they are the only part of the family that have been at all my birthdays. (My other grandparents are alcoholics that shit in their bed.) So loosing their support would kinda hurt. What do I do?

To contextualize: I live in a confusing country in terms of lgbt rights, technically we have them, but they're always on the brink of being removed from us

The state I live in, which is governed by a gay men, is somehow one of the most racist, homophobic states of the country.

But... my family is rather progressive. My mom is a social worker, she interacts with all kinds of people on the daily, she has gay friends, trans friends, all kinds of friends.

Even my grandfather, who is a typical rugged old man, owns a gun, used to be an alcoholic, is progressive. (Which I know because one day he pointed to a lesbian woman who had just been talking to him and asked me my thoughts on her dating a woman, I said "love is love" and he nodded and said "I agree").

My grandma is "meh", she says some pretty homophobic stuff from time to time but then says "I mean, love is love, people can do whatever they want with their lives, I don't care", so I never know what to think, which is what I'm worried about because I live with her and she's the person I'm the closest to in my family.

My dad and I have reconnected recently, he told me "you can be whatever or whoever you want, I'll always support you no matter what", so he's on the clear too.

I even suspect my mom already knows, she has pulled me aside various times to tell me something similar to what my dad said, even a few times asked me after "so, do you have anything to tell me?", everytime I told her "no, not really", but I think she suspects that I'm gay and wants me to trust her enough to tell her, and it's not that I don't, it's just that it changes how you're perceived. No matter how progressive someone is, once you come out to them it does change how they perceive you, how they think about you. And I want to tell my family but I also don't want them to worry or to ask me uncomfortable questions, you also never know, I might come out thinking everybody already knew and accepted it and they just kick me out.

Should I come out? And if so, what would be the best way to go about it?

Came out to my wife a month ago. We decided to try and make a non monogamous mixed orientation marriage work. Anyone have advice?

Im a teen but i am bisexual and Christian and i have been wrestling with my sexuality for a good few months by now because conservative christians will call it a sin and some of them a mental illness and say that you can’t get to heaven unless you “stop being bisexual” So i would like some advice on how to deal with that but also, how do i come out to my conservative Christian parents who believe it’s a sin and a mental illness?

I need to finally tell someone! Even if it’s only you guys! I’m a trans girls and I feel like I’m ready to start my journey!

Any advice would be appreciated! Please guide me into girlhood!!!!

Before you came out did any of your parents suspect but didn’t talk to you about it? If so, did they ever explain why they never asked you, especially if they saw signs?

Hey so basically gotta come out before school starts in…..two weeks. Wrote my parents a letter, got it all sorted out. I put my chosen name on there, its what I plan to go by, but I’m sooo scared it won’t suit me and that I’ll be like, obviously appropriating guy culture 😂 idfk it’s stupid cause I AM a guy, so I can’t appropriate. But like. Idk. It’s scary. What if everyone thinks it doesn’t suit me. How do I know if it’s actually The One?

I know I can change it again if it really sucks but I gotta commit to smth for this school year 😬

Man coming out is hard. How do yall do this crap 😭

BTW the name I’ve been thinking about for 3+ months is Rick, I don’t really care to post a picture of myself for all the world to see but all my friends tell me I look like Luke Skywalker (in a New Hope, not old man Luke lol) which I think is pretty generous (I’m more like thin-ass obviously pre-t Luke with smaller eyes) but incase that helps that helps

It feels strange to say out loud, but I guess nobody really says their own name much anyway.

I even practiced my new signature for it tho I think maybe I gotta just stop worrying about it :/

I 16 (Male) have realized I might have an attraction to feminine men. Every time my friends jokingly bring up femboys… my heart starts to beat faster, my breathe loses it’s pattern. It’s confusing, but calming? I felt like writing it down would make me feel better… so apparently I choose Reddit instead of google docs? Anyway, I just wanted to know if all the heart stuff is just me tweaking or if I need to explore this part of my life more? I have a feeling I know which one it is but hey, another persons advice from someone who’s had this experience before might be useful!

I came out to my parents, and they responded supportively. But, I keep pushing them away whenever they want to talk to me for some reason. I don’t know why, they only want to support me, but I can’t bring myself to talk about it. Has anybody else had this problem?

EDIT: I am currently addressing the problem, thank you for all the advice.

I'm gay, at least I think (my mind's currently in a mess), and I haven't come out to anyone yet. I have social anxiety, which doesn't help. Except for my parents, I don't think I have anyone to come out to, but I don't really feel like doing it with my parents for now. I found out a few months back, and it took me a while to accept it, but when I finally did, I felt so happy! Now, it's grinding me down. I wish I had someone to talk to, but I have no one I truly trust. I don't know what to do. My mind is currently struggling with everything, pushing everyone back ( I used to have friends, but I now have none :( ).

Im 14 .Yesterday i asked my mom for a hair i wanted and she said no cuz i cant dye my hair until im 18 its so unfair cuz my 11 old sister can have dyed hair but i dont this is just frustrating i was crying not over the hair but the fact that she cant accept me :( can someo e give me some advice how to feel better or maybe get her somehow to let me be myself cuz im trying to get into alt fashion but whats the point if i cant even have a fucking dyed hair