r/comingout

I’m 19M and I feel like there is no need to come out due to the fact that “straight” people don’t have to come out so why do we? I feel that if I did come out it wouldn’t change anything….im still me and im still (My, Name) , im not someone different just becuase I come out as gay right? Im asking any other gay men who grew up on small “homophobic-esc” towns, did you feel a need to come out or was it something that didn’t matter to you as much because it’s like trying to convince a brick wall to become plaster?

I finally came out to my mom and her reaction wasn't what I was expecting I thought she was going to be accepting however she had told me that, "I'm only trans because it's not cool to be straight or cis." And later said in her delusional rant, "since you want to date women your just transitioning to become a d*ke." And she even told me later on, "your not gonna wear woman's clothes I'm not gonna change your name for school even if you have one picked out and your also not changing pronouns because your teenager and your developing and your just confused but when you turn 18 and you still think your trans I will support you" And I'm thinking your just not gonna let me be who I am and I was crying and I still am and idk why she's saying this to me I'm thinking it would've been for me to stay in the closet

I recently have come out as lesbian to a few members of my family.

My sexuality is something I never really questioned until I actually started dating guys and realised that I have never actually felt sexually attracted to them.

Over the past year, I have been exploring my attraction to women, and everything feels like it is finally making sense. I definitely feel sexual attraction to women and to put it plainly, I understand what everyone is talking about.

However, I still struggle. After I go on dates with women, it’s great but when I get home I have a horrible shame response and more often than not have really bad mental breakdowns where I question my sexuality and say to myself I should just wait because maybe one day I will feel something towards a man.

I built up the courage to eventually tell my family what was going on. My mum thinks I am choosing to be gay, which she supports, but at the same time she thinks I can also choose to be straight so doesn’t understand my struggle is saying “I want to be straight but I just can’t”. She has always said to me “you don’t know how good it feels until you try it properly” which I found quite invalidating.

On top of this, I have had a few family members be accepting of it, but at the same time, tell me that sexuality is fluid. And whilst I can’t comment on other people’s lived experiences who might feel like their sexuality is fluid, it doesn’t feel that way for me.

This isn’t a choice I making. I don’t want to be judged for the rest of life because of my sexuality, I don’t want to loose friends and family, I don’t want to exist in a world where homosexuality is still criminalised in some countries. And for, telling me that in 5-10 years time my sexuality will change and will magically become straight just feels like I am making the wrong choice in choosing to come out to people. Because why would I risk rejection and loss, if sometime in the future I can be straight? For me, it makes sense to wait until then. I don’t really know what to think, I was wondering if anyone can give me any advice?

Me and this guy have built a relationship over the past year and a half. He’s 19, I’m 26. We are friends with benefits and our relationship and feelings towards each other have grown strong. He is openly gay, I’m bi and fully closeted.

He’s about to leave in three weeks to go to college about eight hours away. Yesterday he told me he thinks we should move on from each other so he can pursue a relationship with someone closer to him at college when he goes.

We have strong feelings for each other and I’m afraid of losing him since he’s a great guy. I have a steady job at a family business here, but have been considering going back to school for medicine as I am not fully content.

I could look into going to school somewhere close to him? I’m looking for advice and help on what to do and how to get through or move on from this?

For starters I'm a 23 F who lives in México

Well, it all started when a cousin began saying to her mother (who is a Catholic ultraconservative person just like my mother) "bad" things about me and one of those were that I consume LGBT media

So my mother came home and started screaming at me saying that I was going to hell and asking where I learned that, I know my mother and that would've ended in getting my phone confiscated and my privacy violated so I was literally forced to tell her that I am part of the community. From there it only got worse, she told me a lot of awful things and the only thing that prevented her from kicking me out of the house was my father.

So yeah... I am already in college, one more year before I can look for some postgraduate program to study abroad or to start work, but I feel that life was already bad in my house, but know is gonna be worse. What should I do? What should I start planning? I don't even know what am I supposed to do

(This doesn't really go with the subject but I am also autistic, tho my mother said that I just pretend, even tho I have an official diagnosis, so it is not only the toxic environment with my mother but I also carry a lot of difficulties with this)

I have always dated women but knew I really like men. I didn't have the confidence to come out. I am 63, look like I am in my 40s clean cut, regular guy next door how do I meet New people?

Im 13 and have identified as ftm since 2023. I need to come out and I dont know how id do it, my mom and a few on her side of the family are sort of accepting but everyone else is just homophobic and insanely conservative (on both sides..) my father is the one im scared the most to come out to since he alr has bad feelings against me for dressing masculine. I just really want to get on puberty blockers so this dysphoria stops for a bit. Im thinking I might send my mom a thing saying "hey mom im trans" with some other shit but idk. If anyone has tips please help

This is my first time posting on reddit so sorry if this is shitty. I am 14 years old and AFAB. And i have identified as a trans boy. for around a year maybe. and since I'm pretty young im pre everything and i don't even have a short haircut. i have come about to a lot of my friend as trans and many have supported me. but of Couse the main person i need to come out is my mom (my dad does not live with me so i wont even bother telling him.).i am from a VERY Slavic family and obviously a very internalized homophobia/ transphobia upbringing as my mom was raised in the USSR.

she had never openly said she hates queer people as she always states "why should i care? it doesn't effect me." and i don't really know how to take that. anyways as a example i was feeling very upset about my height and my mom noticed, i of course didn't not tell her the reason i was upset and she kept prying me about it because she thought i was getting bullied about my height or something similar (i was heavily bullied verbally in the past). since i was scared to tell her anything i just shutdown, she eventually just left me alone and i feel so guilty for not having the balls so tell her.

i'm just kind of looking for tips for coming out to her or anything similar. i just wanted to get this off my chest since idk where else to post this since i dont have anyone close to talk to this about.

19M gay

I've known for a while that I was gay, but since the beginning of the year, is been constantly on my mind, every day. I've only gathered the charge to tell one girl friend in April.

By the end of May, I have myself an objective, which was to tell at least one more person that I am in June, because of pride. Does it make sense? No. Did I still believe in it? A bit.

The end of June was coming, and one of my friends made a fire and a few friends were there. A girl was litteraly talking about her being bi with my straight friend! IT WAS THE PERFECT MOMENT! I WAS ABOUT TO OPEN MY MOUTH AND SAY THAT I WAS SOMETHING LIKE HER! THEN I DIDN'T!

I felt so bad, and then the moment wasn't there anymore.

I'm so mad at myself and I feel like a failure now even if I know it's stupid!

So I(17yro demigirl) just recently, within the past couple of months, changed my name and pronouns when I realized I am a Demigirl. I have come out to my friends and a teacher at school but not my parents. 

I am also bisexual which my parents know. I officially came out as bi to them this past Christmas but they knew before that I was gay because I have had two girlfriends in the past.

When I realized I was a demigirl I knew right away that I was going to change my pronouns to She/They from She/Her. I also knew I wanted to change my name but it took me a few days to figure out what I wanted to change it to. So far all of my friends have supported me and my teacher. 

My parents however do not support non-cis people but they all said they’ll support me no matter what. My mother is a teacher and works with a nonbinary teacher who uses either she/they or they/them I am not 100% sure. There was one day my mom came home and started to complain about this teacher and how “it” wasn’t a good person and that “it” was a “he-woman”

I was sitting at the table with my parents while they were talking about this and they know damn well that I have a lot of non-cis friends. They were saying some other super rude things about his nonbinary teacher purely because they are nonbinary. 

So I know that my parents only support half of me but I feel trapped in my own body because I can’t tell them. I turn 18 in a couple of months so hopefully if I don’t tell them now I can tell them then and I can have a safe spot for me to stay set up if it’s needed. But I don’t know what to do right now and it’s driving me insane. It’s also not the fact that they use she pronouns for me because it’s one of the pronouns I use, it’s the fact that I can’t tell them and I know if I do they won’t use the name that I feel fits me. 

I’ve always gone by a nickname but they always have called me my legal name. Now it feels like neither of those names fit me and I only want to use the name I chose because I feel like it fits me better. 

If anyone has any advice on what to do it would be greatly appreciated. I posted a similar post in another sub but I feel like it might go better here. 

I (m18) came out to my mom as gay last night kinda awkwardly and I'm still kinda mixed about her response. She took a short pause and asked me some questions while being a little ignorant I guess (are you sure?, are you mistaken? is this because I'm a single mother? etc.) but ultimately i explained to her that I was born this way and it can't be changed, and that I've known for a really long time. I felt this huge weight come off my chest but now I just feel awkward around her. We still talk and she told me that I'm gonna be her son no matter what but I can't shake the feeling that somethings off. We haven't rly talked about it since last night. Is giving her time the only option here? Is there anything else I can do to make her feel better?😭 I don't really even know what she's feeling rn and if her perception of me has rly changed that much. She told me I 'seemed normal' and she'd never suspected anything. Any advice would be appreciated.

My parents are separated, and my mom's side is aware and completely accepting of the fact that I am a lesbian, which is something I told them years ago. I'm 15 now, and only a select few people on my dad's side know I am gay, some of which being my cousins which I am very close with. Anyway, my grandparents on my dad's side are like the heart or center point of our family. We have large family events there constantly, and everyone is very involved. All of my cousins are in straight relationships and bring their partners to
every family event (we are all teens of similar age) and I want to be able to do that too. Their partners have been integrated so deeply into our family dynamic from every vacation to every celebration or birthday party. When I do get into a relationship, I want to be able to have that experience too of bringing my girlfriend to these things as I feel like the odd one out as the only one who couldn't bring their partner around when I do get into a relationship. The main issue is that my grandparents host almost every event, and as I said before are like the focal point of our family dynamic. I am also somewhat close with them, so I want to tell them I am gay because I want to experience the same thing my cousins do and not feel so left out or as a third wheel at every family event. The problem is that my grandparents are extremely homophobic. I don't know what they would do if someone in the family was gay because nobody else is beside me for all I know, but my grandpa specifically constantly makes comments that are very worrying to me. Both my grandmother and grandfather support Trump very deeply and I don't think they would take it well but I'm also not sure if they would be more accepting considering it was someone in their own family. I just want to feel included and like I don't have to hide myself because everyone else is getting the experiences that I want to enjoy too. is there any specific way I should come out to them? Is it a good idea or should I just keep hiding? Let me know if any more information is needed. I also find it important to mention that I am currently talking to a girl, but we are not in a relationship. If it does go further, I do want to be able to include her in my family just like everyone else has the privilege to do with their partners, which is why I feel so strongly about this now.

Hi everyone, I have spent the last possibly 3 years of my life now questioning my gender. I at this point feel pretty certain in saying I'm a trans woman. I have told nobody and I want to tell my girlfriend as keeping this a secret has been eating at me. However the thing I need advice on is if it'd be acceptable to start the convo with her over text. Any time I've tried to work myself up to do it in person I just can't. Thanks for any advice ye may be able to give!

Edit: Probably would've been good to add the context that she is bisexual and openly supportive of trans people.

I’m 16F and i’m bisexual, problem is that i live in a strict Asian household and I’m scared about how my parents will react if i came out as bisexual to them. What should I do😭?

Hey guys, i’m sorry if this is not formatted correctly but i’m really anxious. I am female (18) and have been taking to another girl my age for a month now. My parents are aware of me speaking to another girl years ago but she was very masc (Super stud but i’m not sure of the correct terminology because she was white) I want to come out properly but i’m worried my parents will think it’s a phase because i also have very poor mental healt. I don’t have a label for myself, I identify most with pansexual but i don’t really care about labels, plus my parents think pam is a joke anyway. I don’t know how to come out at all and i’m so nervous considering things are getting pretty serious with the girl i’m seeing. Any advice is appreciated thank you xx

Hello Reddit. Honestly really scared even talking about this but figured I should try and get some advice and get some of this weight off my shoulders

I (18M) recently realised that I might be bi and have been wanting to talk to someone about it. I have a close friend that I was going to come out to today over the phone but got really nervous when I went to say anything about it. It’s not like he wouldn’t be supportive of me I mean him and a few of my other friends are apart of the LGBT+ community so it doesn’t really make sense to me why I’m so scared to tell him.

For pretty much my whole life I’ve been certain that I was straight but something that I won’t disclose here made me realise that I might not be entirely opposed to the idea of a relationship with another man. I feel like I still prefer women but it feels wrong somehow to say that I’m 100% straight. And to be completely honest admitting that to myself feels horrible, like I’ve been lying to myself for my whole life. Well that or that I’m lying to myself now.

I do really want to tell someone this to maybe make it make more sense in my own head but a part of me feels like if I do then I might be judged for being so adamant that I was straight this whole time. And then on top of that what if I’m not actually bi and I’m just going crazy or I’m confused or I’m misreading whatever it is that I’m feeling right now.

It probably isn’t making it easier that for like my whole life my family, particularly my sister, have teased and joked that they think I’m gay. And I have denied it so much that admitting to them that they were kind of right is terrifying to me.

So yeah. Any advice would be greatly appreciated but putting this out there at all is honestly making me feel a little better about everything. Thank you

I want to come out to my best friend
I've told her literally everything about my life except for that i'm bi, i came close but got so scared im so scared 🥲
I've known for pretty much my whole life like since i was 9 but never told anyone, i'm actually not even sure if im bi i just know i don't care about gender.
I just really want her to know but what if she takes it the wrong way or tells other people or thinks i like her and i ruin our friendship

Hi,
I’ll try and keep it brief. I’m having a huge sort out of my life atm. I want to get all my ducks in a row at the age of 42.
I have suffered with mental health issues most of my life mainly due to growing up in an abusive household.
And now I’ve decided to unpick everything and stop living a life of total mental chaos.
I just want a simple life with no drama or confusion.
I’m quite a proactive guy and like to sort things out as best I can on my own but I’m feeling a bit out of my depth when dealing with this specific issue.
I’m dealing with the mental health sufficiency I think, so that’s that. But the fact that I’ve recently admitted to myself that I’m gay or at least bi is a bit of a mind bender for me.

So I’ve been married for almost 20yrs to a beautiful woman and we had 2 children and also I’m step dad to her other 2 grown up children from her previous marriage.

I’ve always had a thing about guys and when I was younger I attempted to talk to my parents. I soon found that was a mistake. My parents were very homophobic. So I kind of buried it . I had a friend at secondary school where there was a bit of chemistry but nothing happened. Then I had a bit of a wild period after school where I was having substance abuse issues and was drinking heavily and had drunken fumbles with a couple of guys but it wasn’t really anything serious.
Fast forward to about 6months ago I began having thoughts about maybe trying something. I was conflicted because I didn’t want to cheat but at the same time I had this feeling eating away at me. I kind of gave up though and thought maybe it’s best to just forget about it and struggle on. I wanted to make sure it was the right person and not just some random Redditor but nobody suitable ever cropped up.
So about 2 months ago I started chatting to a guy online. He was very attractive and it was really surreal because I’m a naturally suspicious and untrusting guy but this bloke had my defences down straight away. He basically melted me and I ended up sleeping with him a couple of times. Things got heavy so we parted for our own sanity.
Obviously I’m married and he just wasn’t ready for a relationship right now.
I’m not sure what the future holds there or if there even is one but one thing is now very obvious. I am going to have to come out at some point.
I must add that the guy I mentioned was the only person I’ve come out to and he was so supportive and helped me process my feelings which was really sweet. So I was very grateful for his help.
So my plan was to wait until my kids are older before I say anything. My plan was to not say anything until my youngest child had cleared his gcse exams and left secondary school. I don’t want to give him anything to worry about or distract him as it’s an important time. So there’s about 5/6 years to go.

I guess the advice I need is
. Am I right to wait that long?
. Maybe I should tell my wife but not the children?
. Is there a really good way of saying it
. Can we still stay together for the children and financially?
. What happens when we want to meet other people? How does that work?

Sorry it was longer than I expected.
Any help is greatly appreciated.

I am a 35m new to using reddit and just coming out of a 15 year relationship with 37f. I, not having spent much time in my life single and basically none of my adult life I never really got to think about who I really am. I spent most of my life around my family who have expressed their dislike for anything of that nature. But now that I'm single and have had time to look at me and what I want from life and how I want to move forward I have realized that I'm gay. I look back at all of my past relationships and they have all been with women. But I have always been more attractive to men. I have decided to be me and be free. I have told my kids and they are supportive and don't mind at all. (Which I love) But have not told anyone. My ex has her suspicions but I have not confirmed them. I am afraid she will out me to my family. I am not sure if I'm ready for them to know and not sure if I should care what they think. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. THANKS!

I want to come out to a friend as a transman. I don't know what he thinks about trans people or LGBTQ+ people in general, and I already asked for a way to know if he could be supportive or not. Some of you answered that I could ask him what he thinks about some famous trans people, but he probably doesn't even know one and we never talk about celebrities or shows. So whatever I do he's gonna be suspicious anyway. That's why I'm just gonna come out to him (and hope I won't lose the only friend I've in my classroom lol). But I need motivation because I know I'll never do it otherwise and it's gonna eat me up.