u/SirSpearGuy

I also use the term "mothering."

It's where I get these little lectures from people who are allegedly friends or acquaintances, and they speak to me like I'm a child who broke a rule at recess (I'm 53 years old). To quote an autistic comedian, "It's not that I don't understand the rule. It's that I think your rule is Bull S---."
Also, in most cases, the rule only applies to me. Like, if I use the F word, I get told, "Hey, there's children around here," but then notice the same exact phrase being spoken multiple times by a variety of other people in the same context, sometimes within a minute after getting lectured.

I should add here that my special brand of autism is similar to a lot of educational creators on youtube. I work in communications for an engineering company, so I am actually extremely good at understanding how people communicate, different perspectives, racism, sexism, professionalism, etc, etc. Like I'm literally the guy who sees and understands conflict between people on a social level better than most.

But there is something about the way I present myself to people that makes maybe 5% of them think, "This person doesn't get it and it's my job to treat him like a child in front of everyone."

The only solutions I can think of are to either identify these people and either be very careful about what I say in front of them, or avoid them altogether. Or, mask really hard around them so I give off the, "It's not cool to treat me like a child in front of everyone" vibe.

Anyway, it is frustrating and annoying.

Edit to add: I use a phrase "The Group Gilligan." Gilligan was the lovable childlike idiot on the show Gilligan's Island. One of the running gags was that when he'd say something stupid, the skipper would hit him with his hat.

The message here is that when you give off a "Gilligan Vibe," certain people in the social group believe, "It is appropriate to treat you without respect, because that is your role in the group."

I finally figured out something that happened 25 years ago.

Back in 2001 I was a single straight guy in my late 20s, and I'd reached the point where I realized I needed to update my clothes. I'd occasionally ask my guy friends what was in style, and they'd say things like, "Oh yeah, Skechers are in right now. You can get them at the mall."

I mentioned this to Joe. I knew him from street hockey. We're the same age and started playing around the same time.

He suggested we go clothes shopping together. That wasn't really weird for two guys in 2001. So we spent the day shopping, and he gave me all kinds of advice on what to buy. I thought he was just helping me out.

A little while later he called and wanted to hang out one weekend. His wife was in Europe for work, and he said he'd never really done the bar scene before and wanted to "see what it was all about." So we went out, and I basically showed him the ropes. He asked me a lot of questions about how I worked the room, talked to people, met women, things like that. I answered all of them.

Then came the part that stuck with me.

He invited me over to his house one night because he said there were going to be some attractive single women there from his grad school study group. He specifically told me they were looking for boyfriends and thought I should come meet them.

At one point one of the women asked him about me. I happened to overhear his answer.

Instead of saying we were friends, or even just saying I was a good guy, he said, "Oh, him? Yeah, I know him through hockey. I taught him how to play. I'm kind of like a mentor to him."

That wasn't true. Not even close.

It's taken me 25 years to realize what I think was really going on.

We didn't go shopping together. He was giving me a makeover.

I wasn't introducing him to the bar scene. He was studying me.

I wasn't at that party to meet women. He wanted to impress those women, but he needed another guy there so it looked like an actual party instead of a married guy inviting three single women over to his house. And then he could use me as a prop by telling them he had taken me under his wing.

Maybe I'm wrong, but when I look back at that whole summer instead of each event by itself, it suddenly fits together in a way it never did before.