I built a stable independent life and now I’m scared my relationship is pulling me backward
I’m a woman in my late 40s and I’ve been with my partner (late 40s) for 7 years. He’s an artist. When we met, he was actually financially consistent. He worked various day jobs, paid his bills, contributed to rent, had his own art studio in NYC, etc. We weren’t living together initially, but even after we did, he was still functioning as an adult financially, even if freelance/art life sometimes meant uneven timing.
For context: I’ve always been very independent. I lived alone for most of my adult life before this relationship. I’ve traveled solo since my 20s, built my own stable life, maintained my own apartment, career, finances, etc. I’m not someone who was looking to be “saved” or taken care of. If anything, I’ve always been used to carrying myself.
Then COVID happened. I lost my job too, but I had savings and kept paying bills. His career/income situation changed more dramatically after COVID and honestly it feels like things never fully recovered.
Since then there’s been a lot of dreaming, ideating, creative projects, “rebuilding,” etc., but not a lot of actual financial stability returning. And I’m struggling emotionally because I genuinely admire his artistry and respect the life he’s chosen, but I’m realizing I don’t want long-term instability to become my lifestyle.
I worked hard to get to a place where I’m financially stable, independent, able to travel, able to enjoy life without constantly struggling. I don’t want to spend the next decade subsidizing someone else’s dreams while delaying my own peace of mind, security, travel goals, and future planning.
The hard part is that I know he didn’t “trick” me. He wasn’t pretending to be something he wasn’t when we met. But I also don’t think I fully understood what this dynamic would feel like long-term once our lives became deeply intertwined financially and domestically.
I think what scares me most is that I no longer know whether this is a difficult chapter he’s actively rebuilding from… or whether this is just our permanent reality now.
Has anyone else experienced this kind of shift in a long-term relationship after COVID changed someone’s career trajectory? Especially if you were the more stable/independent partner? How did you tell the difference between supporting someone through a hard period versus quietly becoming responsible for carrying the long-term stability of the relationship?
TL;DR: My artist partner was financially stable and contributing consistently for the first several years of our relationship, but things changed after COVID and never fully recovered. I’m a very independent person who built a stable life on my own long before this relationship, and I’m starting to realize I don’t want long-term financial instability to become my lifestyle. I love and respect him, but I’m struggling to tell the difference between supporting a partner through a hard chapter versus quietly becoming responsible for carrying the long-term stability of the relationship.