Only child living abroad and struggling with loneliness, guilt and fear of losing my parents
I’m 23, originally from India, and currently living in Ireland. I’m an only child, my dad is 57 and my mom is 55, and I work 5 days a week in IT.
I moved to Ireland in 2024 for my master’s and now have a good full-time job. On paper, things are going well, but emotionally I feel very lonely and disconnected.
I miss my parents much more than I expected. I feel guilty that I am spending these years away from them while they are getting older. I do not even know when I will next be able to visit India. Even when I go home, it may only be for a few weeks or a month, and leaving again is extremely painful. The last time I returned to Ireland, saying goodbye at the airport was very difficult.
I work from Monday to Friday. By Saturday, I am usually exhausted and spend the day recovering from the work week. By Sunday, I start feeling depressed again because Monday is approaching. It feels like my whole life is just work, recovery and anxiety about starting work again.
I also think a lot about what my life will be like when my parents are no longer there. They are the people I feel closest to, and the thought of losing them makes me feel terrified and completely alone.
Because of painful relationship experiences in the past, I currently prefer to stay away from relationships. But that choice also makes me more aware of how emotionally dependent I am on my parents and how empty life may feel without them.
I call them frequently, sometimes just keeping FaceTime on while we all do our own things. I do not tell them how low I feel because I do not want to make them sad or worried.
I don't know how I'm going to carry all this pain and live every day with this much anxiety and all. If anybody has any similar experiences can you guide me on how you managed to cope with this please.