u/Smart_Square_2413

It feels like 90% of the posts on here are something that a outside observer would write trying to sound like us. They’re not doing a very good job. Please agree with me, I am very bothered by this

I called the police because I was convinced I saw a dead pony. I have problems with seeing things as something else. They showed up and it was just a bag of leaves. I can’t believe I just screwed up so bad. I was almost crying because I thought I saw a dead pony, and then I felt the guilt of distracting the police when they could be solving actual problems. Are they even going to trust me anymore, if I end up in a real bad situation??? What is real anymore?

I have a really bad issue of mis-seeing actual people as mannequins. In public spaces mostly. It’s weird because they don’t look like the mannequins you see at malls, more like stuffed humans. I can’t describe what they look like I just think they’re mannequins. Anyone else have this very specific illusion?

It’s ruining my life. My parents got my family a dog (that I didn’t want) 4 years ago which means 3 years of wanting death for that Satan spawn. My dad wanted her, he is evil himself. They’re both evil. I have had nothing but pain every fucking day. Every fucking day. I’ve been in my room almost all the time because I can’t stand it. I don’t know when my breaking point will be. Physical pain, too. She bites and scratches me. And barks and my ears are super sensitive and it hurts so bad. I have mini heart attacks every time she does that. There’s no escaping, only suffering. I’ve stopped wanting to kill it and have accepted my pain. But that doesn’t mean I want freedom. I hate it. It’s from the devil.
Help me… I’m only 16 and I can’t leave.

“Are you possessed by Satan?” -my mom.
I am not evil. I’ve had enough of people calling me that. Why? What did I do? For nothing. Nothing! I don’t know. Really, don’t know. I don’t know.

I’m really afraid of stupid ableist undiagnosed fucks trying to come water us down and make us into something that we’re not and I’ve been paranoid about it for the last year. You know, those people on TikTok + Twitter that think disorders are trendy and cool? I don’t need to feel more alone and pushed down. I cling onto this subreddit because I’m feel so alone and so unrecognized. You aren’t like me, why pretend? You aren’t like me because a personality test online told you that. You’re not like me, not like us. God, my problems have already been ignored, leading to hell, I’ve already lost so much, I’ve been finally understanding myself, and through all that, I’ve been slurping up all the toxicity on my health records because at least that understands me. At least this schizotypal shit, which gives me hell, pays attention. At least words in a DSM-5 understand. And now it’s all I’ve got. What feels like the only thing left. They can’t take that next.

Does anyone use their body to pretend to be another person you made up? And have a backstory for them and look and stuff? I like to pretend thinking like someone else and will sometimes dress like “them” when I feel like it. Like I’ll put on a wig and talk to myself in a different tone and put on makeup and refer back to a story I made up in my head. Maybe that’s just me, though.

my parents really hate me for this fuck my miserable life

Click the button on the right of your vision range
Corrupted data
Missing link
The systems dead
In my head
Cannot think
Electric shocks on my spine
Lagging the same line
Stomach falling
Jesus is calling
Try again in a couple minutes

A friend I’ve know for a year just said that me and her weren’t close. I know that but I’m sick thinking about it. Well, I tried, should I be mad at you for not seeing it even though this is completely a me-problem? I know she’ll be gone when summer passes. That’s just how relationships work in my life.
I still feel like throwing up knowing I lost the only person who saw me when autumn came around. We met in the autumn. But now I’m sad every October, because I actually liked you.
I met an angel. He told me to get in contact, the only thing I need. For 2 years he’s been on my mind and it’s the opportunity. But I can’t get my words together, and if I do- I’ll never say them. And then I lose another.

For the longest time whenever I have high energy I get these uncontrollable “shivers”. They have an electric sensation to them, it’s real weird and I’ve only ever noticed myself having it. It was more common during a psychotic episode- from my observations.

“Early onset” but it’s just like that. Yeah I’m unlucky. I can’t believe some people develop disorders later. I just happened to be cursed. I couldn’t experience a normal life. I hate normalness to clarify. I just wish I lived a happier life because it seems that normal is happy.
I’ve always been the way I am which makes me look at others and question everything I know. I wish I had privileges.
Dressing nice. A lot of friends. Funniness. Attractiveness. Smarts. A good reputation. And no labels. No hospital visits, no medication, no therapy. No upset parents.
I guess I am lucky to at least have a conscious. I have some friends that just so happen, by the grace of god, to be as strange as me. I don’t have it all bad, no. But a happier life would be cool. Or at least happier times and no early onset curse.

Last night I was scared to go to sleep, but eventually did because I was so sleepy (sleepy all the time). I simply hate dreams. I hate them. I already have no control over what goes in my brain, but that, with no realism, terrifies me. It’s over when I wake up but dreams live with me. I can remember many dreams from years ago. They just pop up. Even if they aren’t nightmares- I hate it because it wasn’t real! It’s my mind! I hate when my mind does things like that! And taking advantage of me as I rest? It lives with me. I don’t like when something new pops up. Get out. Get out of my fucking head, intruders.

I wish I was a flower so I could soak up sunlight instead of what other people inflict upon me. People things. I wish I was a flower so I wouldn’t look the way I do. Human eyes. Human nose. Human skin. What is this body? Why is this body? These things interfere with my ways and my thoughts and my nature. I would be a carnation, with its layers.

I would be such a good daughter if I was different. If I was different. Different. If I wasn’t paranoid. Evil. I am not evil. You are. I am evil to you. You are satan. Why? Why?
Mama only likes me when I am my most normal. Please love me. Please understand me. I just want you to understand.
I am not a brat. I am not spoiled. I keep disappointing you. My life is a disappointment. You hate when it’s not like you want it. That means you hate me. If you hate it you hate me.
I am so good ok? All these years I’ve been called bad, but why! For what! For what reason was this curse inflicted upon me!
I will always be like this mama so can you love me? Can you? Can you!!! I love you. I love you. Please love me back.

“I’m going crazy” you say? You say that to someone who’s already been crazy, and yet I don’t whine. I hate those people. I hate humans.
Some humans label themself as someone like me because they googled it. No, you’re not like me, move your privileged ass. Don’t even look at me. I can feel your presence and it’s disgusting. It’s mean. All of you. Your disguise is weak. I have good vision.

Shadows from the no-space maul my ugly face. The ones that grope our bodies, our image, sneaking through the cracks, to come out and tease the questionable soul. They think my veil is ugly, the one to obscure the vulnerable king. But I wouldn't know, because I'm not let down. Fall down. A loss of my plastic crown.

It’s the medication. I used to be the most “me” version of myself. Really. I used to be me. I am not true if I am not myself. What is the point of life if I can’t live my own? I feel like a vegetable. I could be better. Why did I sign up for this thing called “doctors”?

I firmly believe I’ve always had STPD- maybe not fully since as a child my brain was still developing, but I can assure you I haven’t changed a lot.
I was always the unusual kid. The one that the teachers worried for, because she never had any friends and preferred cutting off blood circulation in her finger with a strand of hair instead of playing with friends. The one that always got stuck in her head, her imagination, and couldn’t focus on work. I had friends, sure, but preferred an emotional connection rather than a playful one. Even my best friends never saw me outside of school, because I preferred solitude. I am still like this. I was sent to a special ed class solely because of my withdrawal and quirks. Couldn’t focus on school because I’d imagine Nintendo characters or imaginary friends were sitting next to me and having a conversation with me. You could assume childhood whimsy but at this time I was already 10 years old.
They always associate STPD with being eccentric. My mom was convinced I would be a fashion designer or rockstar because of that. Another prominent thing was anxiety. It took over my life and I started medication at 8 years old.
What STPD symptoms were with you in childhood that has stayed, or developed?