u/SmolGirlBigLbdo

Gikapoy na very very very much. Kapoy na ma eldest daughter sa family na puro emotionally immature ang parents.

Mag away dayon ma okay dayon mangdamay pa namo. I get it that as the eldest, ako ang saligan sako mom. But that has been the case since 2011 and I was like what? 16? Nearly half of my life I have been on survival mode as my mom’s shock absorber.

Mao sad kalisod na dako mo age gap sa imo mga igsuon. Tong una ga buwag ako parents, I was fresh off HS and my siblings were kids – elementary and a toddler.

There were times I had to stand in sa role sako parents because they were too immature and impulsive to actually make good adult decisions.

Thats not even the worst part. Sa tanan nahitabo, my mom has never acknowledged the trauma I was subjected to. I moved from one parent to another during college and suddenly left alone (with groceries and allowance yes but I grew up sheltered and kalit lang gibyaan).

Wa gyud sila nadungog from me ay. My mom even forgets that there was a time I lived on my own. Karon ipagawas niya na I am so immature for my age, especially since ga live pako with them.

Pero I pay the bills voluntarily and even treat them outside. Wa man ko nangihap because I love doing all of these for my family but sometimes I just feel so… unappreciated.

It feels as tho bisan unsa nako try kay I am never enough for my mom.

Karon kay daghan kaayo nahitabo bitaw and I am so overwhelmed. Not once in my entire life has she asked if I’m okay. Ako sister na nagka depression di niya ibombard, di gani sugoon or even ipressure kay busy lage sa med school.

My brother is her favorite and he’s a good kid, too young to even understand and help out.

Ako? I’m an overachiever and she is proud of me. Pero idk, she always makes me feel that I’m selfish, that I’m immature, that I don’t help out. Gamay nalang gyud kaayo mahurot nako. I don’t even know how I’m getting by.

Whenever sul-an na siya and ako Ang target, my siblings remind me to let it pass. But I’m an empath and lisod kaayo na ilet go.

i can’t tell my friends kay daghan sad sila problema and though I talk to my siblings, di nako sila ganahan masamok.

At the end of the day, I only have a Bunch of random strangers on the internet para maminaw sako pahungaw.

Hay is this life even worth living

Daghan kaayo panghitabo sa akong kinabuhi karon nga overwhelmed kaayo ko sa tanan.

Since March, my dad has been sick and going through a lot of medical procedures and medication. Maayo kay dako kog insurance and covered siya. My mom did shell out money na medyo dako.

What Is stressful though is sige sila away-bati sa akoa mom and my dad’s side is quite problematic too. Maluoy ko sa ako mama but also mastress because I’m usually the subject of her displaced aggression. Plus, she’s sick with an autoimmune too so there’s that.

Makaugtas bitaw if both parents are emotionally immature. I have always had to be the second (or third) parent to my siblings because of how immature the two can get.

Then there’s pressure at work. Chill Raman nuon because I have earned my seat at the table. Musalig raman ang management nako but usahay kay mag imposter syndrome ko and I think if I deserve all of this.

Recently pud nagkuha ko own space - or was ambushed by my parents. Wala man gud ni foresight ako parents so nag shopping mi furnitures and appliances using my card. They did promise me na mag split mi sa costs but sigeg ka sick ako dad so ending ako mubayad sa tanan.

Installment nuon for three months and kaya raman sako sweldo and savings pero mularga ko inig September gud so hangak gyud kaayo. Wala pajud klaro ako mom when mi mu move didto sa condo. Nagkuha mi ana kay duol sa USC gud where ako manghud mag school.

Then there’s a situation that I put myself into. I met someone here sa Reddit that I turned out liking but the catch is rebound rako. Ngl I know I don’t wanna a long term relationship but maka sad bitaw to be reminded I’m just here kay di niya makuha ang girl nga iya ganahan.

Hahaha or grabe rajud ko abandonment issues bitaw because of all the shit I went through when my parents separated and got back and separated and blah blah blah.

My parents separated when I was in fourth year HS. Sheltered kaayo mi growing up so dako kaayo ko adjustment ana. HS ko and my siblings were in elementary and toddler ang usa.

From a comfortable life, nag adjust mi gamay kay naa time wala mi dad. My mom didn’t have a job then kay di patrabahuon ni papa. He was a nepo baby.

Mao to naa mi lifestyle adjustments when he was MIA and she had to work. Eventually na okay raman mi pero dmd ilaha away oy. Physical, drug abuse, kihaa 9262 - I have seen it all. I even moved from one parent to another constantly in college.

Basta gubot mao siguro skewed kaayo ako view on love and relationships. Mao siguro anxious and avoidant kaayo kog attachment style and why gamay ra gani, mu disappear na dayon ko.

And to top everything off, I’m going blind. I notice everyday that the world is getting darker and it scares me.

Mao rato haha I just needed to pahungaw. Delete rapud ni nako in a few hours. Mabuang najud ko.

Hi! My brother plans to take up BS Archi next year and his exam results are out. Nindot raman ang results and he was told to take the Shape Analysis Test.

Gamay ra ba sila iaccept na applicants? I’m pretty confident sa iyaha art and math skills but ngl maka anxiety ang long wait.

Naa na ba nakakuha acceptance letter from this course for next SY?

Lately nakahunahuna ko if unlovable ba gyud ko.

For context, I’m F31 with a stable job on a managerial level, the eldest daughter, and single.

On the outside, people think I’m fine. Nindot ko trabaho and I’m able to spend for myself and my family. We are comfortable and my parents don’t pressure me to be the breadwinner.

However, I feel lonely and dead inside gyud. Karon ako thoughts kay boring ba jud ko nga person and not lovable romantically.

Ngano ka ask ko ani? Ako gi buwagan ako ex in August 2025 kay he was a manchild gyud. I thought nga ako ra to opinion but now that we’ve broken up, murag naibtan tunok ako family and friends. I didn’t know that was their sentiment gyud kay wa man sila ga say nako.

Anyway, nahugno gyud toh iyaha world pag buwag namo. Pero lo and behold, after pila ka months kay nakauyab man ang buang. Di siya fboy nor is he charming. Na surprise gani tanan ngano nipatol ko niya. He was very nice and sweet to me, acts of service kind ba mao I chose to ignore the red flags.

Karon ga think ko shet ako ex nakauyab man nga mura wa siya redeeming factor sa tanan aspects (my friends’ words, not mine) pero ako wala gyud.

I know there’s no need to rush pero lately sige ko sleep around gud. I don’t think I’m that ugly kay makapingwit ra man sad ko cuties diri sa Reddit. Di lang sad ko gwapa hinuon.

Pero most of the time, s*x man gud ilaha apas. Well, naa ko mga ex fwbs that have become good male friends of mine. They’re the good ones and I’m grateful for them.

Usahay if mag muni muni ko, maka think ko daghan man ko ma offer. I’m creative, hardworking corpo girlie pud ko, quite funny and witty pero corny sad panagsa, and I can talk to anyone about anything and everything.

But for some reason, ako body man gyud ako gamiton na selling point. Hinuon horny sad kaayo ko na pagka tao behind my innocent face.

Haha ambot oy. Im so confused and I’m starting to hate myself even more.

And maka frustrate kaayo gyud bitaw, especially na artsy ko na person.

I did a lot of graphic design work in college and sa work. I can easily notice if one shade is off or if colors don’t pair right.

Karon nga nagkasamot ako genetics eye condition (Retinitis Pigmentosa) kay nagka fade na ako color vision. Items of the same color but of different shades seem to blend na.

Last November, I went back to painting. While it was very therapeutic since I used to do it as a kid, na frustrate ko eventually kay Dili nako makaklaro sa colors.

Sadly this condition has no cure. We’ve done basically everything, even going to Manila for expert’s advice and had genetic testing (that’s quite pricey btw) to determine the exact cause.

Ambot, makabuang gyud. Mura jud end of the world for me kay ganahan kaayo kog art nya slowly fading na ang world to me.

The fuck have I done in my past lives to deserve such misfortunes.

Family, friends, lovelife – yes, for some reason, I always end up being the backburner.

I may be the eldest daughter but I am nobody’s favorite. My sister is daddy’s little girl and he can never get mad at her. Not even when she hit her car multiple times when parking. Mind you, my dad is a car guy so that’s a really big deal for him.

Our baby brother is my mother’s golden boy. We got a condo so he can be nearer to his university next school year. He also drives his own car at 17.

Meanwhile, at both their ages, I had to move from one parent to another. I had to learn to commute and be the other parent to my siblings when our folks had a rough patch.

I honestly feel like the backburner in the family because they don’t worry about me so much. Don’t get me wrong. I know my family loves me so much. It is probably because I’ve been so hyperindependent my whole life so they think it’s fine with me to always adjust for everyone.

I am my friends’ backburner too. I am a generally friendly person, the type who always knows someone somewhere. I guess I just have many connections.

But the thing is, I don’t have a tight circle of friends. I do not belong to a high school barkada but I do have friends from many circles. My close friends in college are either based in Manila and Mindanao or pretty busy with their careers.

I have one best friend who has been my person since 2013. However, she is quite preoccupied with work and always on the go.

When it comes to romance, well, let’s just say I’m like Goodluck Chuck. The people I have sexual connections with (because I sleep around) always end up finding the love of their life after me.

I don’t know if I have a lucky pussy because that’s almost always the case. Yes, it also applies to the guys who swore they would never fall in love.

There were about three who said they were not looking for love, then went on to message me and update me about their lovelife. No hard feelings. We are platonic friends and I am genuinely happy for these fuckboys-turned-loverboys.

Going back, I was a backburner to some of my friends with benefits too. The one they reach out to when they’re feeling sad or have an itch to scratch, but never the one they find special enough to love.

It makes me wonder, especially during my downtime, if I am truly hard to love.

The world is pretty unfair, isn’t it? I would move heaven and earth to help everyone, yet when I am lost, I have to think long and hard whom to run to. At the end of the day, I just have myself.

There is nothing wrong with being a backburner. I guess being one is a canon event in everyone’s life, one way or another.

But being everyone’s backburner? Goddamn something is really wrong with me.