u/SnooJokes2138

I just miss my mom, every day, but today especially. I have been grieving her longer than I had known her— how sad is that?

God. It is a chronic grief and it fucking changes everything. I am so tired. Every year the picture I have of her in my minds eye gets a little more blurry. No adult in my family has coped properly, I never get to talk about her without someone holding back tears or an ache that will never ever go away.
I would do anything to hear her laugh, smell her perfume, and get some advice.

Every year on this day, I feel differently. Today, I am sad. Please just let me be sad.

I am dealing with something that literally pains me to type out. My relative (F28) has various extensive, unaddressed significant life trauma and was diagnosed with schizophrenia after a psych evaluation two months ago. She is a veteran (navy, not active duty/no deployments) is No contact w her immediate family, just some extended.
Her behaviors have not improved, she stopped taking her medication, continued to use alcohol and marijuana despite negative consequences,
Increased paranoia and auditory hallucinations. She began to isolate and withdraw herself from everyone.

I saw her outside of a cafe last week and tried to speak with her, she gave me a look I have never seen in her and her eyes—just something about them. Immediately afterwards, I called my dad (her main caretaker) and asked what he is doing about her MH, because that look scared me so much. (He has been passive and enabling some behaviors. ex: drug use because he partakes in alc/marijuana use)
The next day, he called to tell me she had attempted to poison him (tapered with open food, drinks, and his medication). He confronted her, she admitted to it with a smile and that same look in her eyes he describes as “an evil look,” accusing him of poisoning her dog. My 68 y/o father, so scared in his own home he had a chair to his door.

I keep picturing her sneaking around while he is sleeping or out and fucking with his stuff.
he took her and her dog in a year and a half ago. Nothing but loving, supportive, and kind.

She tried to harm my father, my only living parent. I am hurt angry confused and disgusted. We confronted her after filing a police report and she went inpatient now, where she needs to be honestly. She has damaged his property, went to clean it up and discovered a suicide note, in it she admitted to hurting animals, including her own dog (same one she accused my dad of hurting). I am heartbroken and sad for her, I do not recognize her. I cannot see myself being able to forgive her.

i am a counselor/therapist professionally, I have a vast clinical understanding as to what she is up against but now it is just so personal. I don’t know what to do or how to process this.
I do not write this in attempt to demean, belittle, and distort this diagnosis and peoples experience. I just ask for any fucking guidance or understanding, compassion. Has anyone been through this with their family? What the fuck can I do move forward? I am sick. I can’t eat or sleep, I’m sad for everyone. My family has suffered enough.