thank you for the suggestions everyone, I'm leaving the thread open in case someone wants a list of ideas. you can also add your Christmas wish list here in case your spouses find your account ;)
mine is small but significant, and it was the first domino to fall: she's not perfect. it's normal to see your mom as the most beautiful, the smartest, the best. all kids look at their parents that way. but the narcissistic parent demands that you see them through that lens all of their lives. in fact, that idealization stage is the best part of parenting for them. not the connection, not seeing you grow, not looking at the world through a kid's eyes -- just the fact that they have a huge fan who thinks they can do no wrong. it's how they wish everyone treated them all the time.