I feel like I caused the final decision for my parents to divorce
My (f19) parents just announced to me that they’re going to get divorced. This time it’s for real. I never seen my dad look so broken.
I feel like it’s my fault it’s actually happening this time. Three weeks ago, I started having mental breakdowns screaming and telling them I wish I could get away from them and live elsewhere. I resent my mom, but don’t know the biggest factor is that I live really close to the same person/regular contact with the person who SA’d me. However even then, my parents would stare into the ground and the think “wow our family really is a failure”. My parents already always fought and resented each other, my brother is a high school dropout NEET bum, and now I who was supposed to be functioning , declares she hates living at home. I think I was the final straw and I hate myself so much for it.
I wish I sought out therapy earlier for my traumas, and didn’t have outburst like that. I meant a lot of what I said, but I didn’t meant to let it to explode or even let my family know. I knew it was irrational but I bursted. My outburst caused them to realize there really is no real sentiments of family, in our family.
I wish I could go back in time and take back all I said and brought it to therapy instead.
I don’t know what to do. My parents are under the same roof right now, I want to talk to them.