Update and End
The doctor confirmed atrophy has continued to get worse in my right and has started in my left hand. I get burning sensations in the muscles that are atrophying. Despite this, i got a full body clean EMG a couple of days ago. But this is only 3 months post symptom start so i suppose it is too early to pick up denervation? Body wide fasciculations still continue intermittently. Tight feeling in throat and some days having issues swallowing. Legs are always sore and stiff. I get clonus with my fingers when stretching them in my right hand. I feel like i will not be able to get a diagnosis until there is objective true weakness. Which should take another 3 months. Because my fasciculations started body wide, i don’t think i can wait another 3 months. And for what? To be told what i already know and then to die months later due to bulbar or respiratory involvement already in place?
I’m exploring options of euthanasia and getting my will in order. This is the darkest place anyone can truly be. I can’t think about any past memories without hurting immensely. Can’t think about my 2 year old daughter without crying. I can’t sleep. I’m terrified of dying but suffering immensely everyday. Idk why this extremely rare form of ALS had to hit me as a 33yo.