u/Snugglebirb

Good morning everyone! To give context, I (30F) and my fiancé (29NB) have been together for 3 years now, and they proposed to me last month. I am demisexual, and over time grew to love every inch of my partner! I know they are NB and feel they look masculine, so I supported them by putting mascara on them and letting them try on one of my dresses, and it made them really happy! It made me so happy to see too. They’ve been dropping hints about trans colors and I’ve been mentioning trans characters stories reminding me of them, about wanting to belong and not feeling 100% in their own skin. My partner feels seen, and yesterday they trusted me enough and felt safe enough to “hypothetically” ask me how I’d feel about them transitioning while I was at work.

My default thought is wanting to support them any way that I can. They said that at least they wanted to wear more feminine clothing (which I totally support, shopping trips and empowerment!) but they also wanted to try HRT and slowly explore that with me. They said if there were things that HRT does I disliked they would stop/talk through them with me. I can’t help but feel like even though they’re the ones making that choice, to choose me first as they say, I would be denying them the freedom of self-expression they’ve wanted for so long by not fully committing 100%. I don’t know what HRT changes and whether or not I’d react a certain way because, it just hasn’t happened yet. It made me feel like any doubts/concerns I felt meant I wouldn’t be the right person for them, and I made them cry last night when I said that. I do feel like if they were born and looked a different way I would love them for who they are and that that isn’t changing ever! I do feel joy and curiosity about it too, I think about how happy they will be and my heart melts.

TLDR; My partner bared their soul about transitioning to me because I made them feel comfy and safe and I feel guilty for being nervous. I want to learn more and how to be there, and I want to be a great partner for them. I am worried that I’m not excited enough about the news, that there’s something wrong with me and I will stifle their self-love somehow if something happens on this journey of exploration of identity we’re taking that’s too far for me that they end up loving. I have absolutely zero idea what that would be, but I have always strived to be their safe warm cozy space and they feel that way right now, I wouldn’t want to lose that!