u/SofaKing_Chyl

Wife and I have been together for 18 years. Married for 16.

When we got pregnant with our fourth kid my wife wanted an abortion. I was not for that idea and after talking we decided to keep the baby.

After that problems started and she was real cold. Her behavior changed and acted like she hated me but would say she loved me and I was crazy. In 2023 she admitted I was right all along. She gaslit me while watching me get depressed and suicidal over it. (Depression and suicidal tendencies are a problem for me).

Below is a list of what I can remember off the top of my head
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When we dated she went on at least 1 lunch date and didnt tell me until I asked where you were at lunch.
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Fucking me only after watching the bachelor.
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Lying to me about texting her at work saying her boss told her she cant get texts and then got caught lying
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Deleting texts and conversations
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The whole time at retail job im convinced she had someone else. Whether it was sexual or not someone was more important than me. She would shave and look good, bought new underwear when she didn’t really need it and stopped talking to me, arguments and attitude for no reason. All signs of someone mentally or physically out of the marriage or with someone else.
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She would hang up on me mid sentence and on calls I heard her say “I was looking for you everywhere” and “where have you been” while leaving me to hear it and wonder.
She admitted to all the horrible shit I always knew was going on but you kept telling me I was crazy. I have the same feelings now and feel like if I was right before I am prolyl right now.
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I fee Ike now she is Faking it till you make it in the relationship. I give way more than I get from a love and respect perspective.
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Constant Lies. Deceit
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No physical attention and you don’t seek me out or want to spend time together
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If I didn’t fight for this marriage she was happy to let the marriage fall apart.
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She puts me down all the time and do nothing to build me up.
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I feel like She doesn’t love or respect me anymore.
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We are not husband and wife. We are mom and dad that coparent and live together.
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Anything that has to do with me is a chore. she don’t touch things that I use
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Claimed coworker was so important but now she don’t text or talk to her. AT ALL. She was with a guy at chilis that day. That’s why when we went to chilis with coworker she needed 5 minutes to tell her what to say when she had me stay behind at the table. When coworker came to the table her speech and body language let me know coworker was full of shit. She made it a point to show me a pic of her at the bar. Like a proof of life photo. “See I was there”. Yet she didn’t take a pic of coworker which is unlike her.

I want to know if I’m crazy. If I’m looking to deep into things. If I’m not seeing things right. I know I’m not the best with people. With understanding things that happen around me but I knew in my gut before there were issues and was right and now I feel it again.

Please give me perspective that I either can’t or won’t see.

The other issue is we have 4 kids. I don’t want to ruin their lives. I’m from a divorced home it was brutal for us growing up. I can see this getting bad if it went that way. My 3rd child especially.

I don’t want to leave but I don’t want this to continue the way it is. Has anyone had issues like this or close to it and made it through together. May be battle scarred but weathered it out kinda deal? How did you do it? Counseling? Therapy?

Thank you for any insight.