I'll stop hrtrepping
TW: Rambling with almost no relation to repping, ignore if you're not in the mood.
I'll never be a woman. To be fair, I don't think my life, however short it will be, is ever going to have any meaning. I've never achieved anything, I've never received love from anyone, nor have I ever felt any real connection with anyone.
Since my birth, even before it, I was meant to be discarded, and so did my parents, and so would eventually do every person who ever came to mean something to me.
I was born be useless, ugly and idiotic, of course. That has always been me, nothing, and my life has taught me I should never try to be anything. Yet, I never seem to learn. I'm just a kicked dog, hoping for someone to finally put me to rest.
How could I ever intend to be something I'm not? There's not even need to be so ambiguous. How could I dare to try being happy even once? It will just make my life harder and more miserable than it already is. Why go through so much pain, so much hurt...?
I cannot speak, I'm not made to live or fit anywhere, I am not made to be liked by anyone, and I've come to understand that's just how things should be. Dysphoria is just another broken piece of my shitty life, and I should treat it like all the others, I'll stop trying.
I'll go through my life living as a man, alone, like always, just as I should. Doing nothing more but scrap what I need to not die, getting high at every chance to feel better for just a moment, and finally pulling the trigger once I cannot hold it anymore.