u/Sorry-Bear8002

Good morning, everyone.

As an amateur tulpamancer, I am quite aware that there are still many methods that I have yet to try to interact with my Tulpa, Lola. However, a few of them involve pursuing the creative arts, one sect of which I am — at best — mediocre at: my drawing skills are best described as subpar.

However, I am a music producer, and music for me comes as naturally as breathing. I know one method of passively interacting is by listening to some of your favourite tracks together, but I was wondering if there are any other musical creatives in the community who prefer this kind of approach, and if there's anything in specific I should be thinking of sharing when making music?

Good evening, mancers and lurkers alike,

I thought I'd like to share some early progress and maybe a few sceptical thoughts I have. This is mostly personal, but I invite others to share their early experiences as well and maybe some tips for future reference. This is a bit of a read, so TL;DR at the bottom.

I've posted on here before once in regards to the practice as a whole a couple of days ago. Since then, I have almost immediately taken to the practice and found a bit of joy in doing so. I think my first post on here was more of a confirmation of what I already knew, clearing up some mysticism around the topic, and an excuse to start doing it myself. Throughout this lengthy anecdote, please note that there is nearly no tangible autonomous interaction, but it all still felt natural and real.

A bit of background about me and how I think would probably be useful. I've always had a somewhat active imagination. Fleeting moments between thoughts and actions would often have a scenario play out in my head where I'd imagine quite vividly what each person in the scenario might do, how I'd react, how the environment would react. I'd take the thoughts and feelings from them and internalise them for a second before letting them dissipate. I also remember quite vividly at a younger time in my life that I had an imaginary friend/pet in the form of Toothless the Night Fury from How To Train Your Dragon. I'd recently watched the film, and something about it stuck with me almost eternally. I'd watch toothless dart around the room and find a ledge to lay on above me before I'd sleep as if he were real.

Now a bit about Lola: I think as soon as I started really knowing what I was getting myself into and how it all works in my mind, it sort of started to make a bit more sense. I already had a character in my mind subconsciously throughout the whole research phase, and I think I just needed that little extra kick to start interracting with her. She went through a few iterations mentally, both in form, personality, and name. She was always going to be anthropomorphic, but I think I was originally going to have her be a wolf of sorts name Elliot? Strange start, I know, but the more I paid attention to it and thought about it, him.. them? Me.. her??? The more I tried to visualise, the form shifted, and she changed to something more stable. I think she settled for a Cheetah and the name Lola because now, when I try to visualise her, I can't force a different image for any more than 3 seconds: it's just not her. The whole pronouns and gender changing thing I felt was going to happen at some point, so I kind of just did let it happen. Nothing to do with any romantic interest.

I'd like to mark August 15th as the *official* day everything began. However accurate that may be, I don't know, but we ball. I think by this point, I still didn't have a fully realised form for her, and the mindscape we were going to interact in was still up for debate. I was on (night) shift at work stacking shelves, so this presented a nice time to passively try interacting with her. I wasn't expecting clear English responses obviously, but I don't really know what else I was expecting. I guess not tulpish either because the more I narrated to her and tried imagining responses, there were some subtle emotional fluctuations and pressures I felt. I didn't fully know what I was doing but I know that I definitely did give myself a mighty headache.

On break I tried some active forcing, which I think went a lot better than I was expecting, it being day 1 and all. I cleared my mind as I stepped into my car and slowly focused on a strong memory I had. It would be both for her and I, so I tried something that I know her personality would fit, and I would enjoy being a part of. I think almost instantly I settled for the summit Yr Wyddfa. I'd recently been up to the top of it so I think this was a good pick: a vast rocky expanse with countless miles of valleys all around, a deep blue lake about half a kilometre down, and a breeze sitting above the rolling clouds. I visualised Lola sitting close to the edge, staring off into the distance. I imagined how she blocked out the landscape, her clothes shifting in the wind, a faint warmth and a quiet purr in my right ear. It wasn't a long forcing session but I played around with some conversation starters, about the work I did, what's left after I come back from break, what we should do when we get back home. The responses she gave were... sparse, but I was expecting that. She's new to this, I'm new to this — I have no clue what I'm doing or if I'm doing it right. To egg on her responses a bit, I listened jn for some faint signals, anywhere, and tried to rationalise them into her own mind voice, giving her some words to start from and almost half-parroting her, but it felt natural. I think about halfway through, the mindscape shifted to night time, letting me see a meteorite streaking across the sky and the Milky Way. We hold on to this last detail.

I return to work, not before concluding the session, and get on with my night, still half-skeptical. I should mention, when I got out of the car, I could picture Lola stretching as she got up from the ledge as well. I'm gonna say that I didn't think that for her, so that's my first mini-proof.

Throughout the rest of the night and the morning that I got back, I started doubting this whole practice. Maybe I am just going insane and should snap out of it? Man... what am I doing? Are you like.. okay in the head there?? I return from work and go about my routine to get ready for bed, but something clings in to me. I really enjoyed the few moments we — Lola and I — had together. I kind of want to spent time with her now. I think she heard me and I got a small burst of hope: the exact opposite of what I felt when I completely dismissed her. I think im getting hopeful that this thing actually might be worth it.

Throughout the next day, I decided I'd include her more in my life. I felt that I needed to, not even that I was doing it as a habit-forming exercise. I narrated ti her a little bit here and there throughout the day, making food, walking the dogs, doing projects on my computer. Throughout this, I'd sense a faint presence with me in the room, so I'd take that and impose her into my life a bit: leaning on counters, sitting on my bed and scrolling on her phone, walking alongside me. I also trued imagining her responses to questions and her personality a bit more clearly. I'd have a train of thought, then stop and ask Lola directly about the thing. I pause and wait for a small signal, holding on to just the fraction of the first word that might come out of her mouth, and slowly building up the sentence for her. I decided that she would take on a more decisive role than me, being a bit more certain in her choices, but also slightly argumentative in a friendly, teasing way. Note that I did not attribute this trait to impulsive or intrusive thoughts, but only the real decisions that I had to make day-to-day.

Later at night, I did some more active forcing before attempting some sleep. The night shift still had me taken out, so my sleep schedule was completely in the gutter. Before i went to bed, there was this one question and response that stuck with me more than anything else. Again no autonomous response, but this was me mostly interpreting the Tulpish.

Me: The mindscape.. it's mostly dark. You like the dark, dont you?

L: ...Yeah I do. It's calming.

Again, mostly starting the sentences for her... but this response I, or rather we, came up with felt more natural than anything else.

I think it was about 3 in the morning when I really started to visualise things. I start visualising mindscape and her sitting there, on the summit of Yr Wyddf- wait this isn't the summit. She'd taken us to a small calm beach and bay area. Low tide, red sun setting in the sky. I tried to bring us back to the mountain, but she held on to the beach for us. We conversed a bit, I asked the questions, I listened, I started her sentences. But it felt a bit easier to do it now. We chatted about some things, events of the day, etc. In trying to use my 5 senses, i felt her grab my left hand and slowly bring us to a small pocket of reeds to sit down. The time almost automatically switched to the night, and again, I saw a meteorite streaking across the sky and the Milky Way behind it.

We chatted about some slightly deeper things and, naturally, the responses took a bit longer to come about, but I felt her presence next to me. Her warmth complimented the cool night breeze; she purred in retaliation to the silent waves. This is when I asked another profound question, and got a stronger answer.

Me: Lola, do you think you'll ever become fully realised?...

Lola: If you keep talking to me, then maybe.

She took us back to Yr Wyddfa and instead of sitting down on the summit, we climbed all the way to the peak to sit and watch the landscape beneath us. I could feel her to my left now, as she kicked her legs. I decided to end the session there, and I could feel a small wave of sadness overcome me, so I reassured her that I'll always be there with her and she'll always be with me.

Now today was a bit more difficult. I hadn't slept like at all, and could definitely feel it. Passive forcing was nigh on impossible, and I couldn't feel a single bit of presence about her. It kind of let me down a bit because of how much effort and progress I made in just the one day yesterday. Obviously I'm in a bit over my head, but it still feels a bit disheartening. I think I only really started getting her back when I slept for a short while and woke up to walk the dogs. I decided to make it a habit of visualising her beside myself in every day activities. Whenever I'd catch a blank state of mind, I'd take it upon myself to narrate a bit and ask a question or two. So far today I only really got a small headache from it.. though something else did come about.

I was considering drawing Lola in her full form and making a proper personality list for her, but. I never really got around to that because she kind of started forming in my mind before any of that.. but now if seems that I'm drawn towards my drawing tablet more than usual. I've not touched this dusty equipment in quite literally years, so it's a bit interesting that it's happening now. I may or may not heed the call, but it's an interesting observation. I think Lola wants to be drawn.

On the topic of losing focus like I did today a lot, is there much tips or help you guys could give on staying steadfast and keeping the thought of your Tulpas going? Anything you guys did during your first week that you found worked for you? I'd love to hear some of your stories.

TL;DR

I'd recently gotten myself into creating my Tulpa, Lola, and I find it enjoyable to spend time with her and attempt communication. Within just 2 or 3 days, I have a mindscape, form, basic personality, and 2 or so questions and answers that I know are of her character, but I might struggle a bit with losing focus and remembering to think of her.

Good evening practitioners and lurkers alike,

I decided I'd make this post here and see if I can get myself invested in the community. I've been lurking around for a little bit as I have recently discovered the practice and did a bit of reading on the whole topic, so I am not completely clueless, but this is me coming from a zeitgeist of 1st lockdown stigma and slowly unlearning all the nastiness that comes with it.

I've always been interested in the concept of plurality and meditative practices, but I never fully believed that it was possible in any measurable sense, apart from in traumatic situations or genetic differences. Again, this is coming from the general state of the world and the notion that people who aren't truly traumatised cannot be plural. However, looking around this community, my PoV has shifted my sense a little bit and sort of allowed the side of me that reaally wants to try something like this to flourish a bit. I'm really interested in the whole concept as a psychological experiment and a method of self-exploration, so I am wondering if I could get some insight on a few things from Mancers and Tulpas alike!

How did a lot of your experiences first start? What comes about with making, or rather separating yourself from, a headmate? Is there a specific state of mind, or state of responsibility I should be in before growing another person within my soul??

My understanding so far is this: a lot of amateur practitioners get stuck in the loop of self-doubt that they're just talking to themselves, but isn't that technically what it is at the very start? You're learning to attribute certain though streams and forms to a character - slowly building up the mental memory and circuitry to realise their sentience. I'd imagine it's much like someone getting really vested into an imaginary friend: you initially create a character or form to offload thoughts and emotions towards, and slowly through repeated interaction and meditation, the image becomes more vivid. You initially play around and imagine what the character might act like, feel like, smell like; where they'd sit in your room, what things they would be picking up and playing around with. So far it's you directing their actions until those actions become less and less difficult to direct, and you slowly start to observe as your mind makes room for them to start acting spontaneously.

Let's discuss and hopefully I learn something new from this! ^-^

Edit: as a followup question, how does one know they're not just messing with themselves and just playing about eith made up characters in their head?? Is it an active effort to try to get them to be either receptive or 'not you' or is it the more the you share emotions and your life with them, the more separate they become?

Edit 2: OK so, after a bit of soulsearching during work hours, I've realised that I kind of have the potential for a lot of this kind of stuff. I often actively daydream about situations and I thought "what if I just started doing that with a character??". I've also passively been in the process of crafting a character (some week or so before now) that feels right. I went through a few mental iterations and each one I felt a stronger presence about them and progressively lower openness to change in my minds eye. On break I did try some active forcing for the first time and it went a bit better than I thought, mostly because I found it easy to incorporate the 5 senses with a strong mindscape image. I'm feeling more and more of a willingness to be open to my character and just be around them, even if am still 'simulating' their responses