u/SouthernSecret5248

I (31 F) and my friend (31 F) have known each other since high school. We didn’t start off very close but over the past 4 years we have become best friends. When we met, her parents were very strict and religious which came with no dating. But of course with her now being an adult, she can make her own decisions and has freedom. I feel this context matters.

With saying this, I feel she is very male centered. I don’t think she’s fully a pick me. She’s never embarrassed herself or friends for a guys attention or ditched friends for a man but she still shows questionable behavior that over the years has become more annoying to deal with. Some examples:
- Flirting with a man on numerous occasions after claiming she wasn’t interested because he had kids and bc of his job. Never told him she wasn’t interested and even hung out with him multiple times. She then complained he got upset with her when she posted something that insinuated she was dating someone else. In her mind he’d got too comfortable and crossed a boundary however I feel like she led him on a bit
- I have been abstinent for 5 years due to past relationship trauma. She will often say she is starting her journey and we are doing this together but then will quickly turn around and sleep with a man. I want to make it clear here that I’m not shaming her having sex. It’s the promises and “we are in this together” that makes me feel uncomfortable and like she is mocking something I take very seriously
- Despite her admittedly not being over her ex and constantly checking his socials to see if he is dating someone, she continues to get in relationships. Will call me on their old anniversaries crying. Will compare relationships to theirs. Will crash out for days if there is an inkling of proof he has a girlfriend
- Admittedly keeps men around she knows like her if she feels they are valuable. She stayed friends with a man for months bc she was planning a birthday trip and he had connections in the city we were going to. Activity rolled her eyes and got annoyed when he texted her or called but kept up the act to get the benefits later. Now she doesn’t talk to him
- Will rush into a relationship then claim they love bombed her when they don’t work out when she was moving fast as well

Those are some examples but really triggered this question for me is her new relationship. They have known each other for 6 months (3 dating, 3 official) and it’s been hard to be around her. I talk to her about twice a week and almost every conversation she brings up something he did to upset her. Couples argue but the annoying thing is her dropping all her wants/needs for this man
- She wanted a God fearing man: He doesn’t believe in God
- She wants an emotionally intelligent man: He constantly says things that hurt her feelings. Not mean things necessarily but very clearly speaks without thinking about impact
- We planned to finally move to the same city (that fell through due to finances) but she started dating him knowing he didn’t want to move out of their city or do long distance. Basically if money wasn’t an issue, she would have canceled our plans anyway to stay with him. She accidentally let this slip during a conversation

She also makes fun of a friend of ours for moving quickly in relationships but in the first month of knowing her boyfriend, they were talking about marriage. Three weeks in, he asked her about meeting his family. After knowing him for a month she considered inviting him to her masters graduation, which due to ticket limits would have bumped another close friend from coming. She’s making very big life/career decisions around their relationship. She also does not talk about this man very nicely. I’ve never met him but the things she says when she is mad hit below the belt. Things I’d only think to say about people if I no longer wanted them around.

Am I looking into these things too hard? Should her relationships even bother me? Is this a reason to potentially end a friendship? A part of me feels like this has to do with her dating life starting in her 20s and maybe me outgrowing some behaviors first bc I experienced them earlier. Hence me being annoyed. I’m not fully sure but I struggle to be her friend when a man is in her life.

Am I being judgmental here? Please be honest with this because that’s what I’m really trying to gauge. Are these valid concerns/complaints? When talking to my mom, she claimed I was judging her. I don’t think I am but I could be totally wrong. For me it’s the repeated behavior with no lessons learned or changes made. A cry followed by a “I can’t keep doing this” and then a month later we are back in one of the above situations. The older we’ve gotten, the harder it is to interact with. Am I overreacting?