Is this an emotional affair, or am I being delusional? Need an outside perspective.
I don’t know if this fits here, but I need an outsider’s perspective, because I’ve started doubting my own read of it.
My partner became very close to someone. A lot of fun, a lot of connection. Around the same time, whenever we had a disagreement, she seemed to have less energy to work through it with me. I also noticed she was copy-pasting things I’d said to her straight to him. Even, when I told her after our fight “I’d love to come visit if you miss me, but I don’t want to push myself into the situation,” she forwarded that to him too, which felt like something private between us, not something to hand to a friend. She was already relaying our other discussions to him in real time, but this was different, it was something tender and private between us, and she handed even that to him.
Later I found out more. He had been telling her things like: that he thinks about how she sleeps, that he’s deeply in love with the way she smiles, that he thinks about her around 80% of the time, that he wants to fall asleep next to her again, that being with her feels like a perfect bubble. And her replies weren’t her pulling back. She told him she feels the absolute same, that he’s making her melt and she has to remind herself to breathe, and she answered his “80% of my day” with “same.” She’s also told him she “misses him to the moon,” even though they see each other almost every day and she seems to be texting him constantly, online every few minutes. Once I started to pay more attention to her messaging she started to use bathroom times more for chatting times.
When I told her this feels like an emotional affair, she disagreed. Before that since I was internally feel bad I started to ask more questions and had more problems and she didnt like it and for some things she said I’m being controlling, that we have different values, and that it’s “just a very close friendship.” She never told me about any of this on her own. I found out. And when I asked her directly whether they have something, or whether he might feel something for her, she just called it a very close friendship and said she doesn’t know more, that she’d never even asked him. I even asked how much he misses her, hoping she’d at least hint at what he’d actually said, but she said she has no idea.
So here’s my question. I know I’m only telling my side. But am I being delusional for feeling this isn’t a friendship?
It might be cultural, or a real difference in values, I genuinely don’t know anymore. That’s why I want honest outside opinions.
Note: From the beginning of our relationship this is the second case like this, and at first she was also telling that they are just very close friends but that person later tried to kiss her, so she had sad times and had a breakup time with that “friend” and now this starts to happen, and I suspect the same thing. I really believe in her and sometimes I really suspect that she doesn’t see the signs and maybe she genuinely doesn’t see it coming, or maybe simply I am attributing falsely. But at the end of the day, maybe pre-judging is clouding me, but last time, ignoring my gut is what hurt me.