My wife always blames me for everything
Me (25M) and my wife (25F) are going into 2 years of marriage. Deep down I love her and I know she loves me deeply, too.
I feel destroyed and ashamed most times because my wife blames me for almost everything, saying sharp and mean terms although I never shouted nor say bad things about her. I feel like i am the only thing that gets in the way between her and happiness.
She said that I am an unresponsible man, although I fulfill her needs and try my best to fulfill her wants too. She said that she is tired of a man who doesn't know what to do, although I always try to propose how things can go. She say bad things about my parents, saying that everything happens because they didn't teach me enough how to build a family, although they both love her really much.
At times she says that she loves me, I'm the best husband, I'm her lover... but when she screams and shout it's as if she hates me for everything I am, so the next time she says she loves me I don't believe her 100%. I know I'm not perfect and I make mistakes (and I apologize to her 99999x times), and I still try to make everything work out. But my heart hurts a lot everytime she says bad things and shouts at me.
Until now, i always decide to be patient. Not shouting back, trying to understand everything that she's mad of, what she wants, etc. And I always blame myself to for everything. I often think maybe my death is the only path for her to be happy, I think maybe my existence in the first place only makes a hole of misery for her heart, and if I can turn back time I wouldn't want us to meet and fall in love 💔