Kink after being a finsub (1st time doing so)
I dont necessarily know where to put this or even what im asking advice for right now. My last Domme was a findomme. And since I was doing things for the plot at the time, I tried it out. Started off small, I was paying for things when we went out. I was okay with doing that and it didnt hurt me financially. Unfortunately when I truly like someone, money doesnt really matter to me. I think i learned my lesson with this part at least. After a while, it got to paying 2 of her bills. I chose 2 I could handle. Phone bill and car note. Reasoning for this was because she was going to be working a little more and it would cut into our time together so I thought I could help, at this time she had a roommate. That will be important later. And I was also told my job was to support her.
I do wanna say that maybe this is just heartbreak for me but she wasnt abusive or anything. For like 3 to 4 months, she listened, spent time with me, engaged in kink with me, gave me praises, aftercare and all. We went out and everything. I felt safe with her.
So fast forward, while paying 2 of her bills bought our time every week a little longer, she began to want to work on her own things (her business, working, her music) all these things. Seeing her and our dynamic declined, main thing for me was i wasnt getting aftercare anymore if we did have time together. Yes I was still paying for things but now id just send her the money for food, car stuff, nails, waxes, massages, pretty much most things she brought to me or id ask about cause I wanted to help. What she didn't know was that, I stopped alot of things for me so I could continue supporting her, i really just got the bare necessities for me. (Im a woman myself)
Soon i brought up the idea of going on a trip for my birthday which I invited her on cause I never gone on a trip outside the country. Again im paying for the whole thing, which i didn't have a problem with at the time. The problem was when she kicked out her roommate so that left her in a bind. So again, as the helpful little sub i am, seeing her stress about her rent, i said id help with a certain amount which was over half. My rent was due the same week, she told me one date and I thought that was the day to pay it turns out it was actually due 4 days before and the date she told me was the grace period time. So I ended up sending mine a little late and she got frustrated with it being late. So because I upset her I had to follow protocol, which was to give her an apology gift. My apology gift was next month's rent. I paid it. The next month she paid it.
The last 2 months of our dynamic, I told her I'd overwhelmed myself. She came up with the idea to make a spreadsheet of all of my promises to.her (financial promises) and I had to mark off everything I did..over half was already done. And I actually mistakenly thought I couldnt edit the sheet. Well the last 2 weeks of our dynamic her rent was due again, i had said id pay it. So I understand why that was on the list, but for me it was gonna be late again but not only hers, mine too. Both of our rents were gonna be late that month. I had done uber/lyft and other gig apps to keep up with the trip, her rent, my rent, her expenses along with my regular job and I finally burned out. She ended it with me because my word was "shaky" but she still wanted to go on the trip with me and oddly my birthday trip was on the list.
Ive been told i dodged a bullet but I dont know.
She did lose her apartment and I feel extremely bad about it to the point i wanna send her something as an apology. Yes it would be money.
I do know i couldve communicated more and been better on boundaries when I felt stressed about it (luckily I gotta a therapist to help now)
So i guess my question is, for findom is that normal?
Second, maybe its just from what I saw but it seems like alot of Dommes are findoms too, so how would I navigate that? (I dont wanna be a finsub anymore but I do want a domme again.. after I get over all this)
This will be my last edit to this post: I do remember her telling me that if i were a man, id be doing more. Paying more. Or how a stud (masculine woman) just gives the money no questions asked and she loved that..That was also odd