u/Special-Tap-7226

Hey y'all! I know this market is saturated and everything, but I really am a fan of this story I've written, so I want to at least try. I'm curious to know if this sounds new enough, or if I should continue to try and differentiate it. Thank you!

Dead [Agent],

Rikaln loves the princess. Eldina loves her knight. Neither know it, and even if they did, nothing could be done. It is improper and contemptible among the nobility in the kingdom Edlina is preparing to lead, and she has enough people after her throne as is; and after Rikaln’s many escapades in the kingdom, he has made his own coterie of enemies, all of whom would love to use Eldina against him. Both must simply remain content that they will always have the other, if not in the way they want.

This is quickly changed when a warlock with an unknown magic invades the castle. As Rikaln intervenes, a spell in mid-cast is fumbled and ends up targeting both princess and knight. It’s a transportation spell, and Rikaln wakes up in an underground country, his sudden appearance a political opportunity for many of the vying generals at the top of the caste. Eldina, however, wakes up in the midst of a battle, a soldier in a war she knows nothing about. 

Roles reversed, the princess and the knight now must play the soldier and politician if they ever hope to find each other again. Eldina works with malevolent spirits and shady soldiers to traverse haunted forests, deep dungeons, and plague-stricken conflict in search of her magical assailant. Rikaln, an already silent man, must lie, convince, and research his way back into Eldina’s midst. Though when tensions rise and conflicts inflame, both lovers must face their reality: will they ever make it home to each other? Will their new roles end in death? Or, worst of all, if one of them makes it home, will the other be waiting? 

HEART OF THE MATTER is a dual perspective, 98,000 word, standalone adult fantasy romance. It would be perfect for those wanting a sword-and-sorcery setting akin to The Second Death of Locke by V.L. Bovalino while also featuring the dual perspectives of Immortal Rose by Alexandra Bracken. [Bio]

Hello! It's been a while, but hopefully this version is improved. Let me know what you think, and thank you for looking at it!

Dear [Agent],

RACE TO KINGDOM is a dual-perspective, 98,000 word standalone Adult Fantasy novel with series potential. It combines the capturing of Pokemon with a character-driven narrative similar to Anji Kills A King by Evan Leikam, matching a breakneck pace akin to The Devil’s by Joe Abercrombie.

Lasem won’t kill Captures, the creatures and spells which roam his world. Deltare won’t kill humans, the ones who stand above Captures and utilize their abilities to further their own goals. Both think they’re going to win their country’s annual race, and both think that obtaining the castle which serves as this race’s prize will prove to the world their beliefs are more than just that. Lasem seeks victory to save the castle from the people who would undoubtedly abuse it, and Deltare wants it to serve as the first city detached from the brutal race. 

But Deltare despises Lasem’s optimism and loafing demeanor, while Lasem considers Deltare to be his closest friend, despite the latter’s insistence otherwise. This race has different paths for the two of them, however, and will do its best to break both men down, tearing apart their beliefs in the face of the world they were born into. In the race, both human and Capture do not find mercy in the hands of others, becoming mere numbers in a slaughter that travels the country. 

This castle which serves as the final prize is a Capture itself, though, meaning whoever wins the race will be elevated to a power so mighty, they could call themselves a monarch. They could possibly even change the known world. So despite its insistence on their ideals being anything but childish, both men must overcome the race’s harshest challenges all in the name of a better existence. But as their journeys continue, and their conviction is continually tested, both Lasem and Deltare must face the truth: are they really willing to do whatever it takes to win, even if it means giving up all they hold dear?

[Bio]

Hey everyone! Thanks to all of the advice last week, I went ahead and did a major overhaul on the query. Hopefully it's on the right track. Let me know what you think, and thank you so much for reading it!

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Dear [Agent],

RACE TO KINGDOM is a dual-perspective, 104,000 word standalone Adult Fantasy novel with series potential. It combines the capturing of Pokemon and the card system of Magic: The Gathering with a character-driven narrative similar to Anji Kills A King by Evan Leikam, matching a breakneck pace akin to Dungeon Crawler Carl by Matt Dinniman.

Lasem won’t kill Capture’s. They’re the creatures and spells of his world, all of which can be harnessed inside wooden cards to increase their strength and vitality. But now, most people only Capture to increase their own strength; bonds are a thing forgotten in this land, and Lasem’s best human friend Deltare is the paragon of this. Lasem, however, is aiming to win the annual race across his country to save one of the strongest: a mysterious castle which appeared overnight. 

Deltare won’t kill a person. Each individual is unique, and though that makes some annoying – like his rival Lasem – Deltare must value their lives above those that serve them. Captures are tools, and the castle at the very end of the race will be the greatest tool of all: it will serve as a place for every person to gather and live in harmony. 

Both men spent their whole lives growing up around each other, and though Lasem believes Deltare can change, the other sees him as someone standing in the way of humanity’s progress. But the race they enter is dangerous, as killing of all kinds is permitted, and strange trials eliminate racers in great numbers. And as both Deltare and Lasem try their hardest to stick to their ideals, it becomes evident through these trials and other racers that what they believe in may not pass their world's foundation. And if sticking to their ideals means losing, would winning have even mattered in the first place?

Hey everyone! Thanks for all the advice last week, hopefully this is an improvement!

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Dear [Agent],

RACE TO KINGDOM is a dual-perspective, 104,000 word standalone Adult Fantasy novel with series potential. It combines the power systems of Pokemon and Magic: The Gathering with a character-driven narrative similar to Anji Kills A King by Evan Leikam, matching a breakneck pace akin to Dungeon Crawler Carl by Matt Dinniman.

Lasem knows he’s going to win. Armed with nothing but a sword, his lifelong companion Sada the horse, and a vine without a single Capture card attached, Lasem’s confidence in the annual Race of Ytiel is high. But the risk is superior, as killing of all kinds is permitted on this trail. While Lasem is prepared to make that sacrifice, he has one exception: he won’t kill any Captures. The rest of Ytiel, however, doesn’t care about the friends they call slaves, sparking the fire beneath Lasem that will drive him and Sada to the end. 

Deltare is different. From the same town as Lasem and a full vine of Captures already obtained, Deltare is nothing like that nuisance. Along with being prepared, he’s also realistic. Deltare knows it’s going to take more than a horse and irrational convictions to win this race. Beasts will have to perish; if Captures are lying dead, their Capturers can be spared. 

But the prize at the end of this year’s race is tantalizing for all. A castle, mysteriously appearing overnight, is promised to the winner, and both Lasem and Deltare dream of it. The latter seeks a place where all people can come and live in peace, while Lasem wants something far more simple: he wants to be its friend. However, this race forces both men to reevaluate their ideals as it pushes them to their limits and makes them question if what they believe in can really stand up to the order of the race. And if either Lasem or Deltare breaks in their belief, will their dreams even be worth it?

[Bio]

Hello! This is a first attempt, so please give any and all advice you think beneficial. Specifically, I am wondering if The Rage of Dragons works as a comp here? If anyone has any better suggestions or pieces of help, please do let me know. Thank you all in advance!

Dear [Agent]

Lasem knows he’s going to win. Armed with nothing but his sword, his best friend Sada the horse, and a vine without a single Capture card attached, Lasem’s confidence in this race is high. And like most racers, including his best human friend, Deltare, he’s in it for the prize at the end: a castle that mysteriously appeared overnight. But he wants more than just the castle. Lasem wants to be its friend, as not only would it tell him some grand stories, but he knows the story he’ll create in reaching it would be so magnificent, it’d make him worthy of its bond.

Deltare knows who’s going to lose, and it’s certainly not him. From the same town as Lasem, Deltare is nothing like that nuisance with his full vine of Capture’s already obtained. And along with Deltare being prepared, he’s also realistic. He knows it’s going to take more than a horse and foolish optimism to win this race: it’s going to require strength, and a lot of it.

But the race is not as simple as it may seem. Trials prepared by the race’s master along with other racers desiring your life and cards make this a perilous trail. Both men encounter more than just these challenges, though, as Lasem seems to be racing behind someone living his exact story – with the exact same dream – just moments before he lives his own, while Deltare remains struggling to push past his connection to Lasem and the town he longs to leave behind. But unfortunately, there remains a single ending: only one racer gets the castle. And if both Deltare and Lasem reach it, who’s going to be the one to win it all?

RACE TO KINGDOM is a dual-perspective, 104,000 word standalone Adult Fantasy novel with sequel potential. It combines the power systems of Pokemon and Magic: The Gathering with a character-driven narrative similar to Anji Kills A King by Evan Leikam, matching a breakneck pace akin to The Rage of Dragons by Evan WInters. [Bio]