u/Specialist-Eye-5377

Mods,

You run a sub supporting narc trauma victims. I understand it is for family only, but the name of the sub isn't clear enough.

Additionally, you delete some relationship posts over others.

I just wanted to feedback. It was pretty painful after everything and you could have helpfully signposted as you've done for others.

Shame and self-blame runs deep. Could you be more gentle?

Can I also suggest your sub name needs tweaking?

https://www.reddit.com/r/LifeAfterNarcissism/s/JAiR3SzO3g

Post separation abuse is a thing, don't underestimate it!

Thank you for the love on my finding healthy love post. We are still strong. I am now in trauma therapy and i'd like to share some nuggets that made me cry/grieve:

- Using music as an emotional abuse tactic is valid. After a lot of wasted time explaining to a void, I heard something validating. * they violated you by not giving you informed consent *

Here me out: therapist flat out asked if I could just "enjoy" music for its melody or beat. I said no. It was asked why... some explanation later... you don't need someone "one upping you" just for wanting to dance. This has impacted me to the point that I need to vet bands before I can fully enjoy them now. I am sure some people here have enjoyed music to find out later that the lyrics or intentions were super dark.

- If they tell you they feel misunderstood, you are 4x as likely to "fix" things, cause all you really want is for others not to feel as misunderstood in life. Are you being helpful or are you being taken advantage of? This is for you to answer.

- You need to realise how far you have come. I suck at this! My partner needs to remind me weekly. It was never your fault, so what separates us is that we even question it and care. That is your answer to "am I the problem?". No one deserves this. Caring is a cure to gaslighting.

Idk, just putting this out there.