I can't talk to people and have had no friends since i was 10
I've never been able to talk to people, I'm always overthinking in conversations and making everything awkward. I gave up at 14 trying to talk to people as a whole because every time i tried to make a connection it just backfired into me wasting my mental.
I overthink what I could have said and have not gotten more than 5h proper sleep at night and after school I just come home drained trying to hold up my normal persona in class while I hide in the special ed classroom to not be judged/be at peace. I come home and just uncontrollably fall asleep. My relationship with my parents has also degraded and we dont talk, I have no one to talk to and im just in my head. I can't even get hi off anything because I can't talk to people to get a plug😂
For a week it got better when i got perscribed vyvanse then I got used to it and everything going back to the way it was. Turning 18 in a week, planning on leaving the house at 5am because every time i talk to relatives its a pain as well, asking me for my aspirations and I dont have shit going, no friends just there without purpose.
The only reason I haven't done it yet is because I do believe life can be beautiful and I want to work my way out the tunnel. Only thing keeping me through it is a brand I've slowly been building online and I have gotten some money but nothing passive. The issue is I can't work on it when I'm too busy coping with any distractions and I've been chasing it for a year while competitors who are out of school are racing ahead of me.
I have clear goals:
- Become independent and move out so I can live by myself and have full clarity in my own head
- Find confidence to express myself and meet people
Another thing is, I can't express myself right now because to protect myself from restrictions or any assets being taken away by my parents I do anything to steer away from doing anything to spark negative conversations and judgement including expressing myself completely. (my room is bland, I dress normally) so I don't get anything taken away as punishment. When I am financially free I will be free In all aspects I believe, except for the talking to people part which I still have to learn.
Would appreciate any tips as i'm trying to move forward thanks😊