I can't do this anymore
I need advice (and so many prayers) on how people sleep trained a highly sensitive high needs velcro/FOMO baby. My baby is nearly 5 months and it's all been HELL. I never got the newborn bubble, and we're still crying hard most of the time and every day and every night. I'm a first time mum who was expecting multiple wake ups to feed and console but this has been absolutely life draining and pushing me into depression. During the day the smallest thing will make him spiral and I don't think it's always tiredness - I've tried adjusting wake windows and getting more daytime sleep, earlier bedtime. All naps are full contact with bouncing or rocking and white noise. But I can't start his nap too soon or he has a meltdown, dark rooms make him cry these days, the white noise sometimes makes him cry too. Maybe it's just negative associations now with how much he fights sleep, then spirals into inconsolable crying from being overtired. He's never slept in his crib because he hates it. I've tried warming it, I've tried very very very slow put down feet first. I've tried drowsy but awake which just pisses him off and makes him cry inconsolably for a hour or more even after pickup. I've tried putting down awake which also pisses him off. I've tried everything I can think of but nothing is working and he's crying so much during the day as well I'm so worn out I'm actually hating life. I can't take this anymore.
He's BF but also bottle fed with expressed milk when my husband or parents feed him during my 4.5 hour sleep. But the real crux is how his sleep has gotten so bad that he cannot nap or sleep unless he's being held or attached to my nipples. Even if we're holding him he'll still wake at least once every hour. if we even try to put him down he wakes up and goes from 0-100 with absolutely inconsolable crying even with one of us holding and trying to soothe him. It goes on for an hour sometimes and nothing will soothe him except BF. He hates dummies and spits them out. He cries like the world is ending and he turns red and sweaty and coughs and vomits. I've ended up Co-sleeping which I never wanted to do but even then he'll only sleep lying down if he's on his side sucking on my breast. As soon as he detaches he cries. I'm so sad he's crying so hard even if we're trying to soothe him, he's basically in my arms and feeding all night.
He's still got reflux which the GP refuses to medicate and just vomits all the time, but isn't always upset by it anymore but because he's just constantly feeding overnight he's vomiting and waking then crying, then comfort feeding and the cycle repeats.
I've stopped meeting other mums and trying to go to groups because everyone else has chill babies and loving life and it makes me hate my life more. I love my baby in the short windows when he's happy but I'm starting to spiral and I need something to get better.
For anyone who had a similar reflux, colicky, high needs, highly sensitive FOMO/Velcro baby - how did you sleep train and did it work?