I want to just get this off my chest and I am just angry and bitter
I’m so depressed. I’m not pretty at all and almost every single relationship i’ve been in was me getting used. Dumb of me to think these men could love me and mind you all these men were my looks match or ugly (fat and all). Every one of them I cared about and loved deeply truly and honestly and each one of them can tell you how much of a good girlfriend and “wifey material” I was but couldn’t stop wanting or lusting over attractive women and wanting attractive women that wouldn’t even spit on them if they were on fire LMAO. For the last one i opened up the relationship for him so he can talk to and be with other girls but he still didn’t want me because i wasn’t attractive or a “muscle mommy” meanwhile he’s fat af and still wants this girl that literally made him beg like a dog, legit blocked him, ruined his reputation to all his other friends and literally used him for his money LOLL. Being a good girlfriend or being there for men at their lowest doesn’t count when ur ugly or unattractive to them. Meanwhile i’ve want to get surgery to be attractive since I was like 13 (im 25 now) because i was relentlessly bullied for my looks and humiliated by most of my school, girls and boys alike but first theres a lot of stuff i’ll have to fix and second i have health anxiety and IM SO SOOO SCARED OF SURGERY. Doesn’t help im on the spectrum and can’t keep friends to save my life cus they all think im weird. It doesn’t matter how good you are girls, don’t bother giving love to anyone or even people pleasing, if ur ugly the world will treat you as such no matter what, I give up and i’ll just live and be as selfish as possible i mean it. Let ppl call you a bitch or bitter or oh shes ugly thats why she did x y and z. It doesn’t matter if your good to people they will find a way to hate you anyways because you’re ugly. Men (also women) will ignore you or humiliate or make a joke out of you just cus ur ugly and just literally ignore them the same way and pretend everything they do doesn’t exist or is annoying or don’t even react at all which i knowwww is so fucking hard especially cus im sensitive but i’ll do it, I literally don’t care. I give up on caring and being kind, that side is only for animals and people that are sweet first. Plus fuck ugly men if you find a man ugly don’t even give him a shot he literally would use you or discard you or be the first to humiliate you, no benefit or kindness to anyone unless they actually go out their way to make big efforts. I literally will treat all of humanity the same way they treated me because if im punished for just existing you’ll be punished for treating me like shit for existing. Idk this is a while mess of a vent idk anyways…