Advice for Addressing Romance Scam with Parent
My father is in the midst of a romance scam and my sister and I are trying to cover our bases with helping him appropriately. This has escalated in the last 24 hours, which isn't great timing with the holiday weekend. Looking for any additional thoughts or recommendations on our situation.
He is in the process of being diagnosed with normal pressure hydrocephalus, which can cause cognitive issues. He had neuropsych testing with a diagnosis of mild cognitive impairment. He has had a noticeable decline in the last few weeks (cognitively and physically) to the point that his employer has reached out to us and his PT reached out to his neurologist, which prompted them moving up the timeline for his testing and follow up appointments.
So far this is what we know:
- He has purchased an expensive laptop for her but has not shipped it yet
- He opened a new bank account with plans to give her access to the account though he initially denied giving her any access.
- My brother in law has access to his phone and found text conversations where my father provided his password, photos of his license, emails for multiple password resets, and a wire transfer for a substantial amount of money that was flagged by the bank. We don't know if he has sent her any other money.
- He speaks with her often and has photos and videos of her that are clearly AI generated
The steps we have taken so far include:
- Speaking with him directly. He was initially receptive when my brother-in-law showed him evidence that the photos were AI generated. They focused on limiting the financial involvement with this woman while still trying to allow him to maintain a "relationship" with her. He is no longer receptive to this kind of conversation.
- Contacted his local bank (they put a note in his account that he is involved in a romance scam but are unable to do anything without legal involvement)
- Contacted the national bank where he opened the new account (unable to acknowledge he has an account with them without his permission)
- The local bank suggested contacting the fraud department at the police department to do a wellness check. The police took a report from my sister but when they visited our father, he declined assistance. This resulted in our father threatening to cut contact with my sister and her husband.
- Contacted the AARP fraud program, waiting for a call back.
Our plans moving forward:
- I am the "neutral party". I have not been in direct contact with him since this escalated so I am the least hated of everyone right now. I will try to stay in his good graces in order to maintain contact with him as long as he is willing.
- Contacting an elder law practice on Monday to see if there are any options. He will not agree to a Power of Attorney and we're not sure he is "bad enough" to warrant any sort of conservatorship or guardianship. We are aware that even if he is "bad enough", it would be a drawn out and expensive process and may not be worthwhile.
- Contacting his neurologist and the social worker for the neurologist's office for any guidance they are able to provide (closed today for the holiday)
- Contacting the local Elder Services group (this was also suggested by his local bank but Elder Services is closed today for the holiday)
TL;DR: Father in cognitive decline falling for a romance scam. We have spoken with him directly, contacted his banks and the AARP fraud program, and had the police speak with him. We plan to contact an elder law lawyer, his medical team, and elder services on Monday. Any other advice or recommendations?