u/SpringtimeSnowRabbit

Sorry, I don't really have anyone to talk to about this and I just need to get it off my chest.

Recently I almost got an apartment lease. It was a wonderful place and it would have been so perfect. It was in my local area and it was wheelchair accessible (which is very rare in the rural town where I live and grew up). It had this secluded little patio section facing a small lawn and beyond that, a beautiful pine forest.

I was second in line for the lease. My dad went to the showing and took pictures for me. I had already (stupidly) started moving in in my head. I had imagined being able to walk a few steps outside and stand barefoot in the grass. To be able to watch the trees from my bedroom. It would be a small but significant freedom.

My current apartment is on the third floor with stairs and no elevator, so I can't go outside without help and even then it's very hard. I haven't been outside in almost a year.

I used to be an outdoorsy person and I loved hiking, taking long forest walks and swimming in lakes. Now I watch the far away forest beyond the railroad outside my window and listen to the blackbird early in the morning when I can't sleep.

Then I got the email. I didn't get the lease. The one person before me in line had taken it. At first I just showed everything down and tried not to think about it, but now, a week later, I'm crying. It was like I almost had a small fragment of freedom and then lost it. The cruel thing is that I never had it, it was just a dream and wishful thinking. But it still feels like a big loss somehow.

This is maybe silly but I just can't help it. I thought I had accepted everything ME has thrown at me. Stolen from me. All the lost hobbies, friends, opportunities, freedom. I grieved them extensively and eventually landed in a kind of peaceful but dull acceptance. But this just hit me like a truck and I feel like it's reopening all of that grief all over again.

I'll be turning 30 in about a year and I've been sick for about 5. I can't help but feel like life is just slipping by and I'm just sitting here, completely stagnant. Not that this apartment would have changed much, but it would have changed a little bit. It would have given me the ability to partake in the nature I love, even if just a little bit.

Thank you for reading, I wish you all well

So I just finished book 5 of Plated Prisoner and I'm sure I'll devour book 6 as soon as I get my hands on it from the library. This makes me nervous because I don't have anything in the queue.

HELP

I'm considering Deliciously Dark Fairytales by K.F Breene but as my local library doesn't have it I'll have to buy it, so I wanted to ask: what are your thoughts on it?

For reference, I'm pretty new to the genre having only read ACOTAR before PP. I enjoyed it but I much prefer the rawness and the less young adult and more mature themes of PP. I also prefer non-urban fantasy and have read plenty of that but the romance mixed in just hits new highs for me. Spice is also a big plus.

I'm also considering Fourth Wing but from what I've gathered it leans more towards the young adult side of things?

Any thoughts? Other suggestions?

Weird question but here goes: I've always thought about how I'd gladly give every single organ and every drop of blood I have if one of my siblings needed it. But today I realised that perhaps that's no longer possible because I have ME/CFS.

Does anyone here have experience/knowledge about this? Would the illness spread through an organ or blood donation?

It just made me really sad to realise that I may not be of help if something happened to one of them in the future :(

So I've become obsessed with Tidy Up the Arcane Library. The only problem is that it is way to short. I want something like this but it's a giant castle or a dwarven stronghold or something like that. Just a huge cleaning and tidying task. I don't care about upgrades, powers etc. I just want the relaxing grind and to see the results.

Not like House Flipper or Power Wash simulator where you play maps and then return. I want a giant dilapidated world that I get to fix up. Does this kind of game even exist?

I do heavily prefer medieval/fantasy settings over real life or sci fi, but at this point I'm willing to try anything. Just no gore.

Edit: I have played Leaf It Alone, Loddlenaut and Fresh Start Cleaning Simulator and enjoyed them all

Hi! I take painkillers every day for at least two weeks a month. I've found no way around it. It's mainly for the constant migraine-like headaches I get (following my cycle).

I've tried a TENSE Machine (that sends electricity through an area depending on where you place electrodes). I've tried teas. I've tried stretching (as much as my body will allow me without PEM, which isn't much). I don't know what to do. The headaches are unbearable but I keep thinking it can't be good to take this much pain relief medication.

It totals up to 800 grams of ibuprofen and 500 grams of paracetamol a day. No opioids or anything like that, just over the counter stuff.

Any advice? How do you deal with the pain? The headaches?