Could my resentment jeopardize his sobriety?
I know one of the 3 Cs is not being able to control his drinking (or sobriety). I just can’t help but think.. could the resentment he senses from me make his sobriety more difficult or even push him to relapse?
Since he has committed to sobriety a few weeks ago and things aren’t as chaotic as they used to be, I’ve been better able to focus on myself and my own recovery. Part of that has led to me uncovering a lot of resentment that has accumulated over the years from all the lies, gaslighting, manipulation I’ve experienced. I try explaining that to him to help him better understand why I can’t be “normal” everyday and that some days are just more difficult than others. Ive been trying to work through some of these feelings through Alanon and therapy. I do worry though that my resentment is fueling his shame and potentially making him more likely to relapse. He tells me how hopeless he feels because he’s doing “everything” (i.e., seeing a therapist once every 2-3 weeks) and still I’m not where he’d hope I’d be. He says he’s giving up on the relationship.
As I type this, I’m seeing how I’m trying to manage his feelings. But if my resentment is getting in the way of his recovery, I’d want to move out of the way as we focus on ourselves separately.