Can no longer achieve erection even by myself
TL;DR I have always suffered from ED when being intimate with women but recently unable to get erection even to porn and it's tearing me up.
I have suffered from ED since I became sexually active. I couldn't penetrate during my first sexual experience, which was a total shock to me. That relationship ended shortly after which was devastating at the time, and with the next relationship I ended up using Viagra to lose my virginity. The doctor, who was very kind and understanding, proscribed a couple with the aim of getting my confidence up, but ED has persisted ever since. That was back when I was 17 and I'm now 38 and have recently started using sildenafil every time I have sex as over the last year my ability to get an erection has plummeted and I can't even get an erection by myself to porn sometimes.
From reading through this group, I now understand that I have overused porn my whole life and this is most likely where the problem stems from but I'm now finding my nighttime erections less firm, so I'm wondering if it's a physical.
So, I've been on a porn embargo for about a month, but I have two young kids and my wife and I have a bit of a dead bedroom. I plucked up the courage to ask her if she would help me masturbate every now and then so my needs could be met more often than our once in a blue moon sildenafil-enhanced sex. I still have strong sexual urges but my dick just doesn't follow up. She was kind about it and we've done this once, but it was pretty awkward and I lost my erection during and we've been arguing a lot so I ended up trying to masturbate to porn yesterday and found that my dick wouldn't even go a little bit hard. I found this really upsetting honestly. I can feel myself sinking back into depression.
Sex with my wife has never been not awkward. She's a very reserved person and is a bit uncomfortable around intimacy a lot of the time and I clearly need a lot of encouragement- so that's a bit of a recipe for disaster, but we love each other and have two wonderful kids. I've tried to foster a fun and safe sexual environment but I guess we've never totally clicked sexually, which is hard to write down, but I have had one relationship where I was totally comfortable with the woman and it was magical, so I can tell the difference. I was actually really surprised and grateful when she agreed to help me masturbate.
I know I can't blame my wife as this is a me-problem but I wish that after 16 years together we'd be less awkward sexually. I think it is a factor. She can't orgasm- she has never in her life, it's not just a guy-thing. I think this impacts her sex drive- for her, sex is only about love and is the result of romantic closeness, which is hard to sustain to meet what I see as a healthy amount of sex in a relationship - sometimes we all just need a fuck, right??
I've been trying really hard to not masturbate and use porn, but I just wanted to have an erection and release some tension. Pretty mortified that I just bullied my limp dick then came.
I don't even know if I'm asking for advice. I just had to write this down.
I probably sound really selfish and entitled towards my wife but I'm just a human and tbh that's probably accurate.
Anyway, I think this is psychological but have recently started to wonder if there's something physical behind it.
I'm healthy- exercise a lot and am a lean muscular 70kg.