If you left, where did you stay? I won’t have money right away. All our money is tied together. My family won’t take me. It’s one of the things that is very difficult for me. We have a mortgage. I wouldn’t be able to pay rent and the mortgage. I’d love to know how you walked through that portion of leaving. I’ve considered asking a few specific friends but it’s a huge ask 😞
I made a face that my husband didn’t like and he got mad at me. I don’t say what I’m thinking, he gets mad. I say my thoughts, he gets mad. I’m sitting in the closet crying. This is our life. This is not normal, this can’t be it :(
He doesn’t physically abuse me. But I feel like I’m walking on egg shells. If I don’t agree with him immediately, if I make a mistake…. We fight almost every day. The only days we don’t are when we don’t really talk about anything. I feel so alone right now.
I can’t keep doing this. I’m afraid of being alone, but being alone has to be better than this 😞
The worst part is, no one sees this side. He is so kind and helpful to everyone else. I don’t even think people would believe me.
I am considering a divorce. There are a lot of fears I have around it. I’d love advice from women who have walked through this. First and foremost, I’m afraid of being alone. Not just romantic, but just alone. I don’t have kids, my one sibling has no kids, our family is very small, my parents will not support this, I have already lost community by leaving the church we were attending. I’m afraid of being alone. I’m ok on my own for chunks of time, but the idea of loneliness is a barrier for me 😞 I say that when I have felt alone in my marriage and home for the last few years.
Second, I’m afraid of finances. We run a company together. If I leave, not only will I be starting over, but I will need to rethink my approach to my career. I’m 40… I know I have time to career pivot but it just feels like a lot. I don’t know how I would afford a place to live if I left.
Third, him. I care for my husband deeply. But it is a friendship, a deep loving friendship, but not a romantic relationship. We’ve never had that. I could get into it but it would be a very long story. I’ve finally realized that friendship isn’t enough for me. I crave the physical side, I want both. And if it doesn’t exist… I guess I’d prefer neither. But that is another fear. This will break him. We are in therapy. He said he is afraid I will leave. He says he feels like a failure. I can’t imagine causing him so much pain.
All of that said. I am happiest when I am not home, or when I am alone in my house. I’m so sad. I feel like neither option is easy. I would love some thoughts and advice.
Is it worth doing a separation or if you know it can’t work should you just get divorced?