Living with my adult son makes me feel suicidal
He’s going to dorms in 6 weeks but I don’t know how we are going to make it that long.
There’s verbal abuse, he’s not working, he’s not following through with at home expectations, he’s rude and tells me things like I’m a fucking piece of shit. He never wants to spend time with me.
He’s depressed AF and has no friends after his friend group disowned him a couple of years ago. He has a girlfriend who he treats like a princess and everything in our house revolves around their schedule together.
The way he speaks to me, the way I’m trapped in my house and can’t really leave (I do, but in the evenings and such when I’d like peace, and we live quite a way from the city.) but then the way we’re stuck in this home and there’s so much hate. We’re in Therapy together but it’s not helping other than to make functional agreements to which he’s not adhering.
I want to move just to get away from him. Or just die because I wasted my life raising a human who doesn’t care about me or respect me. I’m sure I fucked up plenty but being called terrible things and told my life is worthless and all sorts of stuff makes me want to end it. I don’t have much for family, there’s no dad. There’s no male role models for either of us and we’re underresourced. I feel so bad and responsible but also like there’s no point in continuing to try.
I overreacted two weeks ago when he was telling me fuck all the rules of the house and he wasn’t respecting them and it was 6 hours later and it was still like that with the aggressive words and actively working against me, and threw a chair. It did not hit him , and was purposefully thrown away from him. But in response he point blank punched me. Am I the asshole? Maybe I am the scum of the earth and should just kill my self because sometimes that’s what he tells me. I don’t know how we are going to make it 6 weeks.