u/Status_Pineapple_615

Has anyone ever wanted to celebrate their anniversary again ?

I’d actually forgotten about our anniversary today until my mother-in-law messaged me , and it’s made me feel really sad.

Since DDay 18 months ago , I don’t really feel married anymore, even though we’re still married on paper. Part of me would like to celebrate, but another part of me feels I just can’t. I’m not ready, and it doesn’t feel right.

My husband remembered but didn’t mention it because he knows how I feel.

I suppose part of me misses what the day used to mean, and I wonder whether, with time, I might want to celebrate it again, perhaps as a new beginning rather than celebrating what we had before.

Has anyone else experienced this? Did your feelings change over time?

My husband suggested we try couples therapy, so we recently had a consultation. I’d actually reached the point where I’d more or less given up on individual therapy, reading books, and constantly trying to “fix” things because I just feel so resigned and exhausted by it all.

During the consultation, the therapist spent quite a bit of time exploring my husband’s attachment style and childhood wounds. She felt that he needs to do more individual work on these issues before we start couples therapy.

At first, I was quite annoyed that our couples consultation seemed to focus so much on him. But after doing some reading about attachment styles and attachment wounds, I’m starting to understand why she recommended this.especially giving his family history. It actually seems quite obvious that these issues need addressing first.

What surprises me is that none of his previous three therapists ever really explored any of this. They seemed to focus mainly on sobriety and recovery rather than his attachment style, childhood experiences, or the deeper reasons behind his behaviours.

One of the main reasons we wanted couples therapy was so he could better understand what I’m going through with betrayal trauma, improve our communication, become more emotionally available and vulnerable, and develop more empathy towards me.

After reading about attachment work, I’m wondering if addressing his attachment wounds could also help him develop those things naturally. Has anyone else’s partner gone down this route ? Did working on attachment make a difference in their emotional availability, empathy, and communication?

I’d really appreciate hearing any experiences. Is this a realistic approach, or am I expecting too much?