Stay at Home Mom getting a PhD
I need advice from whomever can offer some insight on time management while being a stay at home mom and working on a PhD
I recently was accepted into a PhD program (fully online) and am set to start Fall 2026. I also quite my job to be a stay at home mom and work on my PhD. The online aspect of the program allows me to navigate my schedule and be present for my girls (1 year old and 4 year old). I do teach adjunct economics online and I schedule my courses very well that all mainly maintain communicate with students and grade assignments and exams throughout the semester.
The reason I quit my job was because I hardly saw my girls. My 1 year old was at daycare for 9-10 hours/day and by the time I got home, I held her for 30 minutes and she was so tired that she went to bed at 6:30pm. My oldest was at my sisters or school for the same amount of time. and would go to bed at 7:30pm. With her I saw a lot of behavior tantrum episodes and always missing me. Do not get me started on the disaster of a house our home looked like, as my husband also works full time.
My husband has the income for us to afford me quitting my job. The plan is for me to stay home until our youngest starts school in about 4 years. During this time, I would manage our home and also work on my PhD
To navigate my time and be there for my girls, I have developed a schedule. My courses are 2x/week from 6:00pm-8:30pm and I will study/course work when the girls go down from 7:30pm until about 10:30 and again while my baby naps during the day and while my oldest is at school. Starting Spring 2027, my baby will attend our church child care 2x per week for four hours. This will give me more study time.
To manage house work, I have created a daily task list with 3 priorities (laundry, cleaning, grooming dogs, etc.). We eat dinner at 5-5:30, which I will also prepare.
I know I will need a strong support system from my husband, but that is where I struggle. He is hesitant to fully support me on the PhD aspect of me quitting. His position is that I could not handle the stress when he was studying for his professional exam for 8 months. I argued that was different because I had a 6 month old baby, breast feeding around the clock (I was an over producer and managed to freeze 6 months worth of milk in addition to what my baby was eating daily), I was working full time 8-5pm+communite, packing lunch for the girls and meal prepping for us, bedtime routine, taking the girls to their extra curricular activities, and managing any surprises that came up...ALONE, while he studied. I saw him maying for 10 minutes a day for months. He believes I will put him through the same if I am in a PhD program, but 5 years instead of 8 months. I cannot talk to him about anything PhD related because his candor is pessimistic and not optimistic. I avoid the PhD conversation all together. His second argument is 'how will we pay for it?' This is a fair question, and my response is that I will use his Chapter 35 VA benefit to pay for 35 months of tuition and by the time that ends I can use my adjunct money to pay for the difference as we will be out of debt and he would have received a substantial raise from his professional license registration.
I do not see the problem, but I do not have 100% of his support.
Is there anyone out there who can relate to my situation? Is there anyone who can tell me that they have been through what I am about to go through and offer their success story.