It’s getting serious for me
I don’t know if I’m looking for advice, support, or just a place to vent, but my job has gotten to the point where it consumes my entire life.
I don’t trust the company after the several rounds of layoffs and it has brought me to the reality that no one is safe.
I live in constant fear of making mistakes at work. The anxiety is so overwhelming that I can’t focus properly anymore. Ironically, being so afraid of making errors causes me to make silly mistakes that I normally wouldn’t make. I went from a top performer to having weekly talks with my manager where I’m teetering on a PIP.
When I try to slow down and double-check everything, I end up spending an unreasonable amount of time on a single case because my brain keeps telling me that I missed something or did something wrong.
It’s like I’m trapped in a cycle of fear and second-guessing. I’ll finish something and then immediately panic that I forgot a step, even if I just completed it two minutes earlier. Sometimes I genuinely can’t remember what I just did because I’m so stressed and mentally exhausted.
The worst part is that this job has started affecting how I view my entire life. I’ve found myself questioning whether life is even worth living when I spend every day feeling this much fear, dread, and anxiety. I know that’s not healthy, and I’m trying to find another job, but so far I’ve had no luck and I feel completely stuck. This is the most unhealthy situation I’ve ever been work wise and for it to question my livelihood and existence is far beyond where I thought I would ever be. I’m a mom and my livelihood is everything for me and my child, I was just homeless in my car and terrified living on the street a couple years ago so the thought of going back to that due to the loss of a solid needed income gives me flashbacks to a place I never wanna be again.
Has anyone else been in a situation where a job affected them this deeply? How did you cope while trying to get out?