u/Stitch40

Hi Reddit, first time poster, so please be kind.

I have two stepchildren f 39 and f 36 both of who have a toxic relationship with their father, my husband m 65. Which is something cultivated from his ex and has existed since she kicked him out when the youngest was 2. Apparently the other fella was waiting around the corner for my husband to leave so he could move in! My husband was heartbroken and didn’t see it coming.

I could fill this page with examples of how horrid the 3 of them were to him, the way they slagged him off all the time. The way his ex would justify her behaviour to end the marriage. No shame or respect. It was just vile.

We last saw the older daughter 15 years ago when she decided that her father was a loser and refused to allow us to see her son who was 3 and we adored him. She would be loving to his face and slag him off behind his back. She did this in front of me and I would comment, as gently as I could that she was out of line. Tbh my blood would boil and I had to bite my lip lots of times.

Anyway she didn’t get her own way over something and she made this dramatic decision and that was that.

2 years ago the youngest sent a text. Yes a text saying that she no longer wanted my husband to be her dad and not to contact her ever again. This came out of the blue and we were both deeply hurt.

Now comes the problem. The eldest phoned hubby out of the blue!! He is unsure if he wants her back in his life after all the pain and betrayal and after such a long time. They have had coffee on 2 occasions and she wants him back in her life. To be part of her family life again. She has 2 sons 18 and 14. Strangers to us.

Do I meet her or not. If she hurts her dad I will kick the crap out of her (disclaimer it’s a representation of how I feel not a commitment to act).

Both of his daughters have a life long pattern of being loving, then push him away, then come back into his life like nothing happened.
Hubby and I have been together 17 years now married for 13 and I tried to create a friendship relationship with both of them. Turns out they don’t really care about me and I was wasting my time trying.

Hubby is kind and loving and wonderful. The man they hate is not the same man I married but all of that fell on deaf ears.

Do I go and meet her? Will I loose my temper and tell her some home truths? What happens when she pushes him away again. She turns 40 soon does she expect a big money gift?

What do you think?