i’m a doctor, i’m miserable, and i don’t know how to start over
i don’t really know where to post this, but i need to get it off my chest.
i’m in my late 20s, and i’ve spent most of my life chasing academic achievements. medicine was what i worked towards for years. i made sacrifices, pushed myself, and built so much of my identity around being academically successful.
but now i’m questioning everything.
i don’t know if i want to continue in medicine, and the thought of choosing a different path is terrifying. i’ve already invested so many years into this career. there’s the fear of wasting all that effort, the uncertainty of starting from scratch, the financial concerns, and the feeling that i’ve somehow failed at the life i was supposed to have.
but what makes this so much harder is my relationship with my parents.
i feel like my worth in their eyes is tied to what i achieve. when i’m doing well academically or pursuing something they can be proud of, i’m treated differently. when i struggle, question my choices, or consider a path they don’t approve of, the criticism and berating become unbearable.
i’ve been made to feel that being a doctor is the bare minimum and that anything else would mean i’m good for nothing.
i’m also the eldest daughter, so there’s an additional layer of guilt. i feel responsible for their expectations, their sacrifices, and their disappointment. even when i know i’m allowed to make my own decisions, i struggle to stop feeling like i’m doing something wrong by choosing myself.
sometimes i resent my parents. sometimes i feel guilty for resenting them. sometimes i wonder how different my life would have been if i had grown up feeling that i was loved for who i was, rather than for what i achieved.
i envy people who can call their parents when life falls apart and know they’ll be comforted rather than criticised. i wish i had that kind of safety net.
i’m married, and i have a life outside my parents, but that doesn’t magically erase the emotional weight of growing up this way. their opinions still affect me more than i want them to.
i’m exhausted. i feel like i’ve spent so much of my life trying to become someone everyone could be proud of that i never really stopped to ask what would make me happy.
i don’t expect strangers on reddit to tell me exactly what to do with my career. i know nobody can make that decision for me.
i just want to hear from people who have been here.
**if you left medicine, walked away from a prestigious career, or started over after spending years working towards something, what happened?** did you eventually build a life you were happier with? how did you deal with the guilt, the uncertainty, the financial realities, and the feeling that you’d disappointed your family?
and if you grew up with parents who made you feel that your achievements determined your worth, how did you learn to live for yourself instead?
i really need to believe that there’s a life on the other side of all this.