What’s up brothers n sisters,
Looking for info on what the work picture is like as I’ve got family nearby and want to travel and work out of 697. Any shutdowns or high OT jobs worth bidding for as a traveler?
This’ll be my second time traveling, but I’m bringing my family to stay with me. I’ll have someone staying at our house while we’re gone.
Hey everyone, I’m just looking for some perspective or maybe just to vent to some guys who have been where I am. I’ve been in the IFB world for 20+ years and even went to one of the big IFB colleges, but I’ve finally hit a wall. The pressure to perform is just hurting my family. We’re navigating a really dark season right now with some health issues and financial stress, and I’m just trying to keep my head above water.
I feel like I’m at a crossroads. We got a new pastor 5 years ago and since then, there’s this constant push from the pastor to do "extra" work and all this bragging from the pulpit about how busy our church is, like it’s a badge of honor. I’ve even found myself cringing at the pastors personal opinions when mentioned at the pulpit. Also, there’s the legalism that makes everything feel like a checklist. The busyness will be addressed later on in this post. On the other side, I’m just a husband and father trying to survive.
I’m only a volunteer, not paid staff, but I’m at capacity. I’m so burnt out that I find myself rolling my eyes during messages because I’m just done with the performance of it all. There’s so much more to it too, like the way things are actually run and the total miscommunication between staff and leaders. Recently, I was left alone to manage a major safety situation during a ministry event because none of the designated leaders or workers even showed up to their posts. The head admin was on vacation and had left clear instructions for them, yet they had the audacity to tell him later that everything went smoothly. It’s hard to stay bought-in when the leadership is just worried about looking good while the actual work is a mess and falling on people like me. The church is so busy, it misses out on the small things that makes life easier for members and visitors. It was a good thing I showed up to that area to check on things, otherwise it could have been worse. And that is just the surface of church management.
I have a couple friends in the area, but each of us are so busy and go to different churches. And since my closest friends from church moved away, I don't really have those meaningful bonds anymore, and I’ve definitely become bitter and lonely. My wife thinks I feel invisible because I don’t "nourish" friendships, but everything feels surface level and "happy happy happy." I honestly feel judged whenever I try to be real about how I’m actually doing.
I’ve already stepped away from a few ministries due to health and I feel like I'm being watched by people just waiting for me to fail because I’m not matching their pace while I’m already struggling. I’ve even started looking at other churches just to find somewhere where I’m not constantly pressured, but my wife wants to stay because she's afraid we won't be involved or serve anywhere else.
I was reading my Bible this week and happened to read that verse about God not quenching the smoking flax and man, it humbled me quick. It made me tear up and realize God sees me, even if I am burnt out. I realized I do still have a fire for God, it’s just a small smolder right now. I want to please Him, provide for my family, and raise my kids the right way, but I’m just tired. I guess I’m ready to deconstruct and just disengage from the whole system. I just want to leave the performance behind and find something real and focus on raising my family.
Has anyone else dealt with this kind of burnout? As a Christian dad, how do you create new friendships with other dads when you are so busy with your career? How do you stop caring more about what people see than what God sees when you're already feeling this low? Am I too cynical? Am I overthinking? I am just tired and sick. Literally sick.
I’m an inside wireman at local 46, and I got an invite to take their eei CAST test. Wanted to see if anyone here is working for them or used to in this constructor position. What’s it like working for them as a journeyman? Any insight would be great.
What’s up Dads,
My wife sent me a video today that I wasn’t prepared for. It was a reel with emotional music with the caption: “When I see my husband in his best element being an amazing father and provider and I just know that little him would be so proud of the man he became.”
And, man, it just broke me. Just thinking about “Little Me.”
Growing up, I never felt like that guy. I spent most of my youth with zero self-esteem. I was always a bigger kid back then, and I was constantly anxious about whether people liked me or even wanted to play with me. On top of that, I dealt with some heavy childhood trauma. I experienced SA from a relative, which is something I’ve never shared with my parents to this day.
I remember a specific time in middle school when the bullying was at its worst. What made it hit the hardest was that guys I actually thought were my friends were the ones leading the charge. I distinctly remember sitting in a car on the way to a game, surrounded by the very people who were tearing me down, and just sitting there in total silence. I didn't have the words for how much I was hurting or how betrayed I felt.
Back then, I was always trying to be like my dad. He was an army vet, a construction guy, and strong. I admired him, but he carried a lot of anger. As I’ve gotten older, I try to have perspective on why he was that way. He didn't have the best role models growing up and that was the only example of manhood he really had. I also tried to be like my older brother, who seemed to have it all figured out. But in our house, we never talked about feelings. We were told to just "suck it up." I just remember always crying back then, whether I was at school or at home.
Fast forward to now. I’ve met and married the love of my life. She has completely helped me walk through my past and has shown me so much love, patience, and grace. I’m a dad now, I’m providing, and I’m "on" for my family. I am still a quiet guy, but I’ve learned how to be meek and strong at the same time. I’ve learned to find inner strength and to persevere. Most importantly, I’ve learned how to forgive and how to love. I have finally learned how to actually enjoy life.
Still, that video made me realize I’m still protecting that little version of myself. I’ve done the work to get here. I went to counseling to process the trauma from my past because I knew I couldn't be the best version of myself for my kids if I kept carrying all that weight alone.
It’s easy to get caught up in the provider grind, but seeing that caption reminded me that being a good dad is the best way I’ve found to heal. Every time I’m present for my kids, making sure they feel seen and safe in a way I never did, and speaking life into them, I’m giving them the childhood I was always anxious about.
So question, Dads…How do you guys keep yourselves grounded when the past starts creeping up? I’m realizing that "Little Me" would actually be pretty proud of the man I turned out to be, even if I still feel like that quiet kid in the back of the car sometimes.
You Dads are doing great work. Stay strong.