u/Straight_Basket_8210

For context please read my prev post.

https://www.reddit.com/r/RelationshipIndia/s/AjhjegptVk

A week ago, I requested him a lot that I will do everything as he asks me to, if he just comes back. He kept denying and said that he is not sure.

Next day I tried talking to him normally. He denied. He told me not to call but I did call him many times. He then blocked me from everywhere. I kept apologising. And he kept blocking. I agree this was my mistake.

Then he did not unblock. I kept waiting. I couldn't control myself and messaged his mother. Just one msg. "Hi, aunty u know everything"

Now he saw that.

He blamed me that I have broken his trust.

In the past, when my ex was depressed after his crush, his mother used to message me about my ex, if he is doing okay, if he is studying. And when he didn't pick up his mother's calls, she would msg me to check on him. His mother is sweet and talked very kindly to me. Same was from my side. In the past, this has happened beforemy ex blocked me, and his mother normally msged me and I told her everything. Everything as in 'that we were in a relationship and he has left, and if she could help" I never told anything else. That we sext. And what all I share with him

Coming to present when he saw me msging his mother, he asked me how does his mother know. I went silent and he knew I had told her. He got angry really angry. Calling me a bitch and saying that I am breaking his trust.

This thing is bothering me a lot. I had no option. Since we got into relationship, he started with this thing that I will have to send him nudes and sext because that's how a relationship works. I did it for him even when he left, I kept doing it.

When I tell him that he says, it was all my choice to have done this. He never promised me anything. When he left for some other girl that was when we were in a talking stage after our first breakup and he used to flirt with me. He says it's not betrayal because the relationship was never confirmed.

What am I supposed to do. What else could I have done. I have never told his mother that we sexted or I shared nudes or he asked for it, never told that I shared some money too. Just this that we were in a relationship. For three years I have done this and his mother used to talk to me, idk what, my intention was not to betray him.

He says I am always victimizing myself by bringing the past. And that last year when he promised me doens't matter. Is it wrong? If yesterday he promised and today I ask him questions he says I am victimizing myself?

And I never wanted to say any secrets to his mother but how much could be hidden? How many times I will just have to supress my feelings? And his mother just knew me as his friend.

I have left him. But this thing still bugs me.

So, I want to share something, can be long., I will try to make it short.

there was this guy I met online during lockdown. We became friends. He proposed me and soon I realised I love him too, I gave in. 5 months relationship goes well, then starts problems like career issues. He wanted to leave. I kept stopping him but in return he asked me s\*xual favours. I was ready, thought atleast he would talk to me. Nothing like that, just n\*des and s\*xt.

One year went by, I failed my neet exam. My mistake I stuck with him, decided to move on and prepare for neet again. 4-5 months later, he messages again saying he misses me. I used to ignore, deep down I loved him, was so happy. Asked him to wait till NEET. Just one month before, he says he likes someone else now.

Again the same. This one month I forgot, idk how, studied and cleared neet. Contacted him later because couldn't forget him. He got rejected by his crush. Helped him out, by talking out to his crush, as a middle man. Used to talk to him whenever he wanted, used to say me it's to forget his crush (denies later), starts coming in the demands for s\*xual favours again. Maybe I thought he will come to me if I do so much. I got into mbbs, thought I can do just anything, foolish enough that started helping financially. Spending my pocket money on him and not eating food. Lying and betraying my parents for him

Soon his things with crush got permanently over. I thought it's time finally I can feel loved. Nothing happened. He slowly started leaving me. Never replying, always busy. Got to know he was talking with other friends, was helping out an online female friend at 4 AM about her mental condition that she couldn't sleep. Yeah was busy.

Self harmed myself in order to get sympathy but not for very long. He started hating me.

He told me that I am a narcissistic person. Told me that I am always demanding and it was my fault I agreed to doing this all for him. Shattered in pieces. Crying everyday. F\*ked up exams and attendance. Don't know why did I even clear this exam.

Mother gets to know, again I don't wanna talk about what happened then. Told him and he replied that it's my fault that my mother knows everything.

Almost my finals in mbbs.

Conclusion. I feel unloved so much, I overthink that someone will ever love me or not. Because I am always crying. Always angry and lonely. Overthinking that people hate me. Guilty that I betrayed my parents. Thinking that it's just karma I got betrayed as well. How to get out. Still thinking he will magically remember me and love me back. Almost 3 years of this