thanwaya 3ama
I honestly don’t even know where to start I haven’t really talked to anyone about this before I’m in my final year of high school Last year I postponed the entire year and didn’t take any exams because I was going through a really bad depressive period I was dealing with severe forgetfulness huge difficulty focusing and other physical issues too About a month ago I finally found out I have ADHD and started taking( Concerta ) and since then I’ve actually been able to focus and study again Before that I went through a terrible phase mentally and was put on a lot of medications Some of them made it hard for me to even get out of bed for days Things are a bit better now Around a month ago I started studying again and I managed to secure Biology and Chemistry I’ve been solving full exams in both, and I usually don’t lose more than 4–5 marks But the other subjects Arabic, English and Physics I genuinely haven’t touched them at all this year And I mean literally nothing The curriculum itself doesn’t feel difficult to me I know I’m capable of understanding it but mentally and physically I just wasn’t able to study Realistically each subject would need around three weeks for me to properly secure it but there just isn’t enough time left anymore At best I could probably just pass them
What hurts the most is that I really want to study Medicine I genuinely can’t picture myself in any other field I know I’m hardworking and I know I deserve that place but I can’t stop blaming myself for wasting so much time not studying I keep going back and forth in my head Should I postpone again and focus on the subjects I already secured then come back properly and study the thing I actually love and see myself doing Or should I just finish this year no matter what grade I end up with even though I already know I probably won’t be happy with where I’ll end up even if I do well there I honestly don’t know what to do I also can’t really talk to my family about it Whenever I tried to hint at postponing again the response was basically about how other people manage or what people will say They care a lot about society’s opinion The time left is enough for me to maybe get something in the 70s but I genuinely feel lost Part of me feels awful for my family for all the money spent, for all their hopes in me and for all my own expectations of myself too But another part of me knows that if I go into all the exams this year I probably won’t make it into medical school