Abortion due to medical reason
Dear strangers, I really have no one else I can talk to since I do not want to be judged for being 100% honest about how I am feeling. I recently found out that my baby is tested positive for trisomy 21 (Down syndrome). The reading was 95/100. I am living in Tokyo now but I am not a local. I am also 45 years old and I already have a 11yo. This was an unplanned pregnancy but I decided to go ahead and thought of it as a 'gift'. So when I was dealt with the test result, I did not know how to react. I broke down in front of the doctor. The gynae told me that I can take some time since I am at 13 weeks now. In Japan, I can do termination up till 21 weeks6 days. I am not sure where to go from here. I struggled with the thought of ending a life but the doctor also shared that he saw from the ultrasound that the baby did have some signs of Down syndrome which is consistent with the test result. Doctor told me if I proceed with the pregnancy I must be prepared that baby may need to get surgery as well. Quite immediately. I cannot imagine seeing a tiny life having to go through surgery/surgeries and one day when I am no longer around, my first born will have to carry the duty/burden taking care of all this. Still, I am struggling with guilt both ways, proceed or terminate. Time is not on my side. If I choose to terminate, it may be selfish for me to say this but I want to go through the process as soon as possible so I can concentrate on griefing and recovering both emotionally and physically. Has anyone gone through this before? I really do not know what to expect because I understand the abortion process after 11 weeks requires D&E and it is a 2 day processs. I went online to read up on it and it sounds very painful as well. I hope to get some honest support here. I even signed up reddit something I thought I shouldn't do but I am honestly desperate to have someone, people who have walked this path to share with me their experience. Thank you.