r/PregnancyAfterTFMR

Ah man, most people can't wait for their first ultrasound but I was just taking everything day by day and somehow it flew by. From a positive test at 3+2 weeks to an ultrasound with a heartbeat. My little blob was measuring right on time (8+3 weeks) with a heart rate of 159bpm.

I'm so grateful I got myself to this space of mind because if I had to walk into that room 3-4 months ago I would have been a mess. I wouldn't have been able to handle the conversation with the tech or with my OB about, "no this isn't my first pregnancy. No were excited but nervous. Oh yes, these are the tests and scans we want to focus on."

Today is a win, I'm full of gratitude and relief. Now I need to continue to remind myself that it's day by day, test by test, month by month. Being optimistic, being positive, and enjoying this pregnancy.

My OB asked how I got to this point and I said with my reddit community. So thank you all.

Hi, has anyone experienced having menstrual cramps starting right from ovulation, and it turned out to be because you were pregnant? I’ve had menstrual-like cramps ever since my ovulation, and I’ve never experienced this before.

Hi everyone- I’m 5 weeks post TFMR at 22w. My period has not returned and I have no symptoms to suggest it’s coming soon. I’ve tracked ovulation with premom OPKs and haven’t seen a spike. I’m anxious for this period because I want to start trying again after it returns. It seems like most people get their period around 4-5 weeks after. When should I be concerned? After 6 weeks? 8 weeks?

Thanks all. Sorry we’re all here ♥️

I’ve generally always tested at 10 dpo, but when I’ve had a positive I think it’s dark enough that it would show earlier than that.
Did you get your bfp at 7/8/9 dpo?

I wanted to do my nipt close to 16 weeks so that if something was found, we could immediately proceed with amino. I was adamant about not doing cvs again. I visited my genetic councelor who was on board with it, but it would mean I'd need to come back to her office once again in a couple of weeks. I never want to visit that place again, it was extremely triggering, so I very reluctantly agreed to have my blood drawn that day. I was crying my eyes out while they were sticking the needle in my arm. I don't want to hear the word NIPT, I don't want to say it out loud, I'm hiding all posts related to NIPT. Omg when people share shit like "NIPT results in, it's a girl!" I die a little inside.

I will be 13+1 when I get my results, I'll be working from home or even taking the day off. They're not going to call me sooner, even if the results are bad. And if they are bad I will probably proceed with cvs even if I don't want to. Fortunately, the odds are of course very low. I deliberately chose to do the most limited test available, which will only look at chromosomes 13, 18 and 21. I'm scared as shit for a false positive. If it's any of these chromosomes, I'll at least be able to accept that it will likely be confirmed.

There's nothing in particular I'm looking for with this post, I just needed to vent. It's all so triggering, I'm having flashbacks and am constantly thinking of the timeline with my TFMR baby. I am so sorry for everyone who is struggeling in a similar way, whether it's the NIPT, anatomy scans, or any other triggering point on your timeline.

It sucks to be in this place. I was doing surprisingly well, but now I'm struggeling, even though everything looks great so far. With my tfmr baby there were already signs that something was off, but we see none of that now. I've also scheduled a date to have my cat euthanised in two weeks, which makes it all even harder. Even more flashbacks. I don't want to make decisions like this.

Thanks for making it through this clumsily written post and may you have a very good day ❤️

Dear strangers, I really have no one else I can talk to since I do not want to be judged for being 100% honest about how I am feeling. I recently found out that my baby is tested positive for trisomy 21 (Down syndrome). The reading was 95/100. I am living in Tokyo now but I am not a local. I am also 45 years old and I already have a 11yo. This was an unplanned pregnancy but I decided to go ahead and thought of it as a 'gift'. So when I was dealt with the test result, I did not know how to react. I broke down in front of the doctor. The gynae told me that I can take some time since I am at 13 weeks now. In Japan, I can do termination up till 21 weeks6 days. I am not sure where to go from here. I struggled with the thought of ending a life but the doctor also shared that he saw from the ultrasound that the baby did have some signs of Down syndrome which is consistent with the test result. Doctor told me if I proceed with the pregnancy I must be prepared that baby may need to get surgery as well. Quite immediately. I cannot imagine seeing a tiny life having to go through surgery/surgeries and one day when I am no longer around, my first born will have to carry the duty/burden taking care of all this. Still, I am struggling with guilt both ways, proceed or terminate. Time is not on my side. If I choose to terminate, it may be selfish for me to say this but I want to go through the process as soon as possible so I can concentrate on griefing and recovering both emotionally and physically. Has anyone gone through this before? I really do not know what to expect because I understand the abortion process after 11 weeks requires D&E and it is a 2 day processs. I went online to read up on it and it sounds very painful as well. I hope to get some honest support here. I even signed up reddit something I thought I shouldn't do but I am honestly desperate to have someone, people who have walked this path to share with me their experience. Thank you.

My baby is almost 8 months old now, which still feels like a total miracle. I don’t ever want to take this for granted.

My first wanted pregnancy ended in a TFMR at 23 weeks for Monosomy X with abnormalities incompatible with life. Just two months later, I got pregnant again and 9 months later, welcomed our rainbow baby, who is currently contact napping in my arms. We met our rainbow baby not even a year from when we had to say goodbye to her big sister. We cannot believe how lucky we are, everyday, to watch her grow, hear her laugh, and hold her close.

Pregnancy is the toughest journey I’ve ever been on, especially after loss. For all of you on this journey right now, my heart goes out to you. I truly don’t think there are people out there stronger than parents who have had to say goodbye to a child and have the courage and resilience to try, again and again. I hope my story gives you hope and I hope you have your rainbow baby in your arms one day soon too!

Had a full on meltdown last night over the genetic testing we have yet to receive. Got the worst news a week ago today. My husband and I knew immediately what we had to do. Have my d&e tmrw and it feels like this nightmare is never ending.

We have done all the testing done. We will prolly get our blood work back first. Then a few weeks for the CVS results. But what if it is something genetic ?! What if we can’t have healthy kids!? What if there’s a 1/4 chance this happens again? I don’t know if I can carry other baby for 15 weeks just to have to do this all over again. We have no answers so why am I jumping to the worse scenario? Idk.

We want to try again as soon as possible but if this is a genetic condition then what? Who can afford 45k for IVF? This all just seems so unfair. This has been the most horrible experience and I feel like God is punishing me(I know that’s not the case just feels like it.) I don’t know if I’ll be able to handle the news that the possibly of this happening again is high. I just pray this happened spontaneously. I pray it’s nothing we carry. I never thought I’d be praying for trisomy 13 or 18. So unfair.

I hope what I’m trying to say makes sense, I realise it might be all over the place, I hope it’s ok to post in this group! I’m feeling emotional and I’m writing this on my phone. This will be long.

Does anyone else feel like they almost have to apologise for being protective or an active parent?
I’ve been pregnant twice, both our parents were inserting themselves early on and it was creating a lot of anxiety. Wanting to choose the name, dictating middle name, mentioning religion. How they would be “taking time off work to spend time with them” wanting to buy a car seat, pram etc. it felt like I was being completely bypassed.
Sadly both pregnancies ended in loss (MMC, 24 week TFMR)
Both mum and MIL told their workplace, friends, family that I was pregnant both times even after I asked not to share until certain scans, or unless we feel comfortable sharing to social media for example, which we never did. So they had to also tell everyone I lost the baby… twice. I feel like I haven’t been respected, and I haven’t been able to fully get over it.

This current pregnancy I didn’t tell my parents until after the early 16 week anatomy scan, close to 17 weeks. We didn’t tell my partners family until after 19 weeks. We learnt the first two pregnancies that it’s better off keeping it to ourselves for the peace, even though both sets of parents said they “knew” or they had a “gut feeling” When we did finally share.

My mum keeps making comments to my partner how they know I’ll be protective and that they will be “hanging for visits” this triggered him more then me because he feels equal feelings to myself and explained that “we both will be protective, and that you guys will always be welcome for visits”

I just sort of feel like my losses have ruined our families “grandparent experience” but how is it my fault? Is it really that bizarre that we won’t want baby out of our sight for a while? That we won’t want them having sleepovers, or be doing activities without us? Obviously when they are older and can communicate I’ll probably feel differently, but I just plan to be as present as I can soaking in all these moments. I’ve been trying to bring a baby earth side since I was 28, and will be 33 this year.
I spent a good year and a half after birthing my daughter waiting for genetic results wondering “will I ever have a healthy baby?” While watching countless friends from school, uni, parties, work posting their moments with their healthy baby, it almost ate away at my heart and soul 🥹

Has anyone else also had to deal with this? Did things calm down when baby arrived? I feel so protective, and I feel like I have to apologise for it and it’s really upsetting me.

My nipt is coming up and I don't know how to feel. I so desperately wish I could be excited but I can't help myself all I feel is dread and uncertainty. This time I selected the genome wide testing which I hadn't done with my tfmr pregnancy, and it's only causing me more anxiety, it's just more things that could be wrong. I'm so scared of the what ifs

I’m not sure if my post is appropriate here, and if not I can definitely delete it. I terminated a planned pregnancy at 7 weeks back in December due to terrible perinatal depression and anxiety. It really hit me out of the blue with no prior history of this and my mind was literally all over the place, I didn’t know what to do with myself. After much back and forth, I couldnt take it anymore and terminated. Of course after everything was done, it hit me like a train and my mental health took a steep decline. I’ve slowly started to come out of that very dark place I was in, but I have this intense desire to have another child. We are thinking of ttc again, maybe starting next month. The only reason I am somewhat rushing it is because of my age (38), otherwise I would have waited a bit longer. However, I feel so much guilt for the one that never had a chance, it breaks my heart to ttc again after this but we have wanted a 3rd child for years and it equally breaks my heart to potentially give up on this dream for good. Any advice on how to navigate this feeling of guilt of trying for another? Has anyone experienced anything similar to this and how did you manage/cope?

Currently 3dpo in the two week wait ttc number 2. Feeling down in the dumps today thinking about my little girl 🩷

That first negative hit hard, praying this month I get lucky… why does it drag! Anyone else with me?

Hallo ihr lieben Mamas... 🤍

Ich muss mir heute einfach mal etwas von der Seele schreiben, weil der Schmerz gerade wieder so unfassbar tief sitzt. Ich bin 27 und hatte meine TFMR am 19.03. wegen T21. Ich lebe in Deutschland und hatte danach die 6 Wochen Mutterschutz .. so grausam, Mutterschutz ohne Baby im Arm zu haben. Seitdem bin ich auf unbestimmte Zeit krankgeschrieben, weil an Alltag einfach überhaupt nicht zu denken ist.

Ich leide so oft an diesen schrecklichen Gedankenschnipseln im Kopf, die mich immer wieder einholen, egal wann egal wo.. zum Beispiel an was ich so oft denken muss.. Wie ich eingeleitet wurde... es war meine erste Geburt und ich hatte solche Angst. Die Krankenschwester war so genervt, weil ich 3 Mal geklingelt hatte. Als dann die Fruchtblase platzte, hatte ich einen totalen emotionalen Zusammenbruch. Aber sie hat mich einfach nicht ernst genommen und immer wieder sehr genervt gesagt ich soll erst klingeln wenn Blut kommt.. Und dann... habe ich mein Baby ganz alleine (mit Mann..), tot im Bett, im Zimmer geboren. Ich weiß nur noch, wie ich immer wieder geschrien habe: „Bitte kommt doch jemand, passt auf, dass wir ihr nicht weh tun!“ Meine Psyche hatte sich in dem Moment einfach komplett verabschiedet.
Erst danach wurde ich in den Kreißsaal geschoben und ich habe so unfassbar geschrien, wie ich es noch nie in meinem ganzen Leben getan habe. Aber als ich mein kleines Baby dann in den Händen hielt, sah es aus, als hätte sie geschmunzelt...😔
Mich zerreißt immer wieder der Gedanke, wie sie sich wohl gefühlt haben muss nach der Einnahme der Tablette. Sie kannte doch nichts anderes als das Tanzen und Schwimmen in mir, meine wärme und meinen Herzschlag.. Und dann war da dieser Blick im OP-Saal, nach oben an die Decke. Ich sah ein Bild, gezeichnet von einem Himmel mit einer ganz starken Sonne und das nachdem ich sie verabschiedet hatte..
Es ist einfach nicht auszuhalten, wie man diese Brandmale auf der Seele aushalten soll. Und gleichzeitig macht es mich gerade so unendlich traurig: Unsere TFMR-Schwangerschaft entstand damals direkt beim ersten Versuch. Jetzt hatten wir es wieder versucht, aber meine Periode ist gerade gekommen...
Sagt mir, liebe Mamas da draußen: Wie kann es sein, dass wir so etwas überhaupt psychisch überleben und bewältigen können? Wo nimmt man die Kraft her?

Fühlt euch bitte alle unendlich geliebt und gedrückt. Wer irgendwas braucht oder einfach nur reden will, kann sich immer super gerne bei mir melden. 🤍
Und es tut mir leid für diese offenen Worte.. aber solche Dinge kann man ja nicht mit seiner Familie offen besprechen .. bzw versteht das keiner so wie wir.. 🥺

vielleicht könnt ihr Mut machen und mir einfach mal schreiben wann ihr schwanger geworden seid, nach eurer tfmr und habt ihr etwas anders gemacht als in der vorherigen Schwangerschaft?

Ich danke euch❤️‍🩹

I had an early anatomy scan for my 3rd pregnancy, and they couldn’t get a good view of the 4 chambers of the heart and left outflow. My first was the 1 where I TFMR for heart defects. When I asked if there was any concern, the MFM doctor said she wasn’t concerned about defects this time since the other views of the heart were normal that would indicate defects if they were abnormal. Of course, I’m still anxious over it. I have a follow up anatomy scan in about 3 weeks. Anyone have experience where this happened?

Hi all, I'm officially 2 months. My first scan is tomorrow and if all goes well I decided I'm going to look into therapy and plan for biweekly sessions once I reach my second trimester.

I find myself in a solid place at the moment. I worked hard to be the person I am right now after my loss in Oct '25. I never went to therapy after my loss because I had a lovely support system and did a lot of inner and outer work before ttc again.

Currently, I journal positive happenings everyday, I try not fixate on the what ifs, I don't worry about the future but what is happening in the current moment, and I try to not let bad thoughts enter my brain.

But as I continue on with my sub pregnancy I know I'll be undergoing a lot more screening, scans, and tests due to my husband's translocation and our heart history with my son. I want to continue to be in the right state of mind. I also want to prevent postpartum depression, which I know a lot of people suffer from with their sub pregnancy baby after previous loss.

So if you are or were in your sub pregnancy, when did you get a therapist if you had one? And what did they focus on/what was their specific therapy in?

I have a scan tomorrow at 10w6d along with my NIPT blood draw. It was supposed to be at a local office, but the appointment was moved to a building on the same campus where I had my TFMR last year. That was my first pregnancy, and our daughter had full T18 with severe ultrasound findings at 12w. The new location definitely isn’t helping my mental state, but I didn’t want to reschedule and prolong the process

I saw baby measuring on time with a good heartbeat at 7w2d, but there is lingering fear that history will repeat itself. I want to be hopeful and excited, but I’m so anxious and worried

I also know these feelings are being amplified by our daughter’s upcoming due date next week

For those that have had a successful TTC month after your TFMR, how many cycles did it take? And what was your cycle like?
They say cycles can take a while to stabilise but I have seen stories on here who had positives quite quickly. Did you manage to get a positive with a wonky cycle?
Looking for stories of hope during this dark time. Deciding when to TTC is very difficult at the moment 💔

Hi, I’ll try to keep this short. Has anyone else had a supply issue in the sub pregnancy due to taking lactation suppressing dopamine agonists like cabergoline or bromocriptine?

- Leaked colostrum since 20w and harvested plenty at 37w.
- Baby is an amazing latcher.
- Cluster fed non-stop at the start. Milk came in fine
- Baby took 3 weeks to regain birth weight (yikes) even though he didn’t lose that much to start with.
- Week 4 on the dot, he got really fed up of my boobs. I call this The Terrible Day. and the poor thing got stuck in a cycle of latching-nothing coming out- screaming- latching until he literally fell asleep sobbing from exhaustion
- I put my foot down and got him formula that night.
- my sweet boy seemed satisfied for the first time in 2 weeks.

Sadly, he got fussy at my breast from now on and I didn’t push it. I feel like I’ve traumatised him at this point and I put all my efforts into power pumping.

- got a fancy, powerful pump
- Spent the next 3 weeks pumping every 2 hours and power pumping 3x a day.

Not a drop more. I make exactly 400ml a day no matter what I do.

I stopped pumping that often and even if I go 6 hours between sessions I make the exact amount. It is as if I simply don’t have the tissue or capacity to make anymore.

Any moment I have spare I’ve been researching what can cause this and I’ve read about development of breast tissue in an adolescent who has PCOS and other things but the last thing that has come up is the pill given after loss to dry up milk and its long lasting effects

I don’t know if I was given cabergoline or maybe bromocriptine. Both of those are dopamine agonists which as far as I understand can mess with your long-term milk supply by changing how prolactin works in your body. The hormonal shift may reset the baseline.

I don’t really know what to do with this info tbh. Just want to know if anyone’s experienced this and sought to fix it?

It doesn’t really matter but I feel a little emotional about all this. I feel I wasn’t informed properly etc. Nothing can be done about it now I guess

My husband and I have a pre-conception consultation tomorrow with a new MFM for a second, more informed opinion.

We sadly had to TFMR Sept 2025 because our baby boy was diagnosed with Trisomy 18. We have been told by several of my doctors that it was more than likely just a “fluke” however we still feel uneasy (which I realize is normal to feel after such a traumatic experience).

Prior to my previous TFMR pregnancy we did do the Natera pre-conception genetic screening which thankfully indicated no matches between my husband and me. We met with a genetic counselor and physician to discuss these results.

What am I trying to get out of this meeting tomorrow? Reassurance that my husband and I are doing all of the right things to prepare for TTC again. Also to boost our confidence because it is truly scary. I am turning 38 this year (husband is turning 35) so yes, my age is also definitely weighing on me.

Anyway, just came here to see what kind of questions I should ask the MFM physician. I already have a couple jotted down, but would like to cross reference and add to my list if needed.

The last time we met with MFM it was such a blur.

Thank you in advance🙏🏻

I’m on cycle 2 post tfmr. My cycles are nearly back to normal, I normally ovulate on CD 14/15 normal but I ovulated day 17 this cycle (last cycle was day 19). So gives me a luteal phase of 12 days instead of my usual 13/14 days.

Since ovulation 2 days ago I’ve had terrible headaches. My hormones must be all over plus I could not have timed BDing any better so I’ll be fuming if it doesn’t work 🤣

Did any of you get your BFP on cycle 2 post tfmr? Or conceived when your cycles were still slightly out? I’m just so desperate to be pregnant again.