u/Bookshelf_trophies

I had my second scan today at 9w1d and baby was measuring 8w5d. HR was 172. With my tfmr (T18) pregnancy the HR was 170 and measured 9w3d at my 9w6d scan.

I’m sure you can see why I am having flashbacks, measuring 3 days behind again with a similar HR. I was measured at 6 weeks and was measuring only a day behind at that visit, which is also consistent with my TFMR experience.

I guess my question is has anyone measured this far behind at this gestation and gone on to have a normal pregnancy?

My NIPT is scheduled for next week and I am dreading it.

TW: living children

I am 8 weeks along in my sub-pregnancy after TFMR for T18 in May. The day we found out about our baby’s condition was the day before we were supposed to take a much anticipated family trip with our living children. We had to reschedule that trip and are set to leave next week. Rescheduling and planning this trip has been a huge part of my healing and forward looking journey.

At my 6 weeks ultrasound and OB apt (heartbeat seen, no issues) my OB said I should come back at week 9 for a follow up ultrasound and NIPT. That would be the day before we leave for this trip and while I initially agreed to the ultrasound I deferred the NIPT until the week after we get back because I didn’t want to get the results while on this trip.

Well now I wish I had deferred the ultrasound too. I’m so scared that they will see something worrisome that will steal the joy from this replanned trip but when I called to reschedule the ultrasound til the next week they didn’t have any appointments available and said they wouldn’t be able to see me until week 11. I don’t want to wait that long.

I guess my question is how common is it to see something concerning at the 9 week ultrasound? Even in my T18 pregnancy nothing strange was noted at that scan. Should I just go to it and expect that will get good or at least neutral updates? Or should I reschedule for week 11 in case the worst comes to pass? I live in a state with strict termination rules so the earlier I get answers the better.

Overall I’m having a very hard time connecting to this pregnancy but an overwhelming anxiety regarding appointments and testing.

I just want to start by saying that I know they can be inaccurate and I realize that it’s kind of silly, but I had purchased a sneak peek gender test for my TFMR pregnancy and after falling pregnant again, I had emailed the Sneak Peek company to see if they offered discounts on pregnancies after loss and to my surprise they sent a free test.

To be honest, the only reason I even took it was, I am having a hard time connecting to this pregnancy or feeling any positive emotion because I am so scared of history of repeating itself. I thought this might be a way to try to connect emotionally.

I took it right at six weeks and one day which I know is early, but I had had three beta hCG’s that were rising quickly and more than doubling every 48 hours so I thought it would be fine.

Today it came back as inconclusive with no reason and they are sending me another test, which I probably will not take, but I am very nervous that it is inconclusive for a bad reason. Just regretting even doing this.

My first ultrasound is scheduled for tomorrow.

TW: LC

I am 4w4d into my sub pregnancy, so extremely early, and perhaps I am being exceptionally foolish but I feel like I am getting little signs everywhere. My husband and I are the only ones who know I am pregnant again.

A week ago, at exactly 10 dpo I got my first positive and the next day my 2.5 year old said “you have a baby in your belly”. We had not talked about this around him AT ALL, so this was very strange. He has repeated it multiple times since.

A few days ago, there was a huge rainbow in the sky over our house and my five year old randomly asked me to put her rainbow earrings in, which she has had no interest in all year long.

Last night, after months of not mentioning it, my five year old (who was aware of our TFMR) , during her evening prayers, asked God to “make us a really really good baby and to make it whatever you want but please make it a girl”- this also was completely unprompted. Our TFMR was a girl, and she has been hung up on having a sister.

I also have been having vivid dreams (I usually never remember my dreams) that I’m pregnant with twins, and having dreams about getting our NIPT back with normal results.

I just had my first hcg beta draw at 4w3d and will have another on Monday at 5 weeks. My initial draw was 427, which is on the higher side for 4w3d.

I know everyone processes things differently and I am trying not to get my hopes too high but I am feeling so optimistic and I can’t share anywhere but here.

We had our TFRM in May (T18) and this was our first cycle TTC post my first period following my D&C. Yesterday (10 dpo) and today I’ve had positive pregnancy tests but I’m also having brown spotting, enough that I’ve had to wear a panty liner.

Everything about this feels like thin ice to me. Especially since with my TFMR pregnancy I had spotting early and often, likely due to complications with T18.

Has anyone had spotting like this and gone on to have a healthy pregnancy?

I am one week post TFRM and all I can think about is when I can try again. I obsess over when my period will return, when I will ovulate again, when I could possibly get a positive test, how long it will take, milestones, etc. Then I immediately get overwhelmingly anxious about how horrible the wait will be from the positive test to the NIPT and how I won’t have a moment of peace even beyond that and it all makes me so sad/angry.

I want to start tracking my ovulation with OPKs just to see if I am ovulating again but I don’t know if my body will still be producing low levels of HCG that will throw it off. I have continued taking my prenatal and folic acid supplements but wondering if I should add CoQ10 for me and my husband. I obsess over how much we both drink (me not at all, him moderate), if his showers are too hot, what we’re eating, if we’re being active enough. I obsess over him going out of town two months from now when I think maybe I could possibly be ovulating. I look up due dates based on possible conception windows, try to figure out when I could get the NIPT done, etc. Try to picture myself pregnant at different milestones from my lost pregnancy (her due date, Thanksgiving and Christmas). It’s exhausting and absolutely consumes me. I don’t know what to do or how to stop. I just feel like I won’t heal and my husband and five year old who is processing the loss of her little sister will not heal until we have a healthy baby. And I also feel like no one understands the extent of this grief and obsession. It’s all I think about.

My TFMR is scheduled for Monday and I’m finding the wait unbearable. I have been praying for God to take it out of my hands, and start bleeding or I wish I could know that when they start the procedure she’s already gone. I wish they would just lie to me and tell me that.

Every tv show or movie or book I try to read to distract myself has a baby or a pregnancy in it. My friends and most of my family don’t know what is happening yet so people text me things about the baby and I have to act normal. Mother’s Day is Sunday and I just wish it could be over with by then. I feel like a ticking time bomb and that my grief and anger is going to come exploding out of a barely-there composure.

I have two other children, and I don’t know what I would do without them, I really don’t. They are young, so they keep me moving and force my head out of the dark for most of the day, but my daughter (who is five and has been told her baby sister is in heaven) keeps asking me if we will have another baby and when. I know she is as anxious for the future and the idea of hope and moving on as I am but the questions feel like a gut punch when the baby is still technically with us.

I find that reading stories about healthy pregnancies and babies after TFMR is helpful, and heart wrenching. It fills me with both hope and anxiety but the guilt of trying to look ahead when we are in this waiting period is almost unbearable.

Sharing a bit of my story so far with a question at the end on TFMR preparation.

Five days ago we received our NIPT results with abnormal T18 findings. I’m 11 weeks pregnant at 32 and have two healthy older children. This was a complete shock, and with a PPV of 25%, I still had a sliver of hope. However, at my MFM appointment, the detailed ultrasound showed a cystic hygroma, single umbilical artery, abnormal upper extremities, and measuring a whole week behind schedule (already had an adjusted due date from my first ultrasound due to slow growth). The doctor and genetic counselor both said they felt this was more than enough to confirm the T18 but I agreed to try to perform the CVS anyway for diagnosis.

The CVS was awful, they tried vaginally, which was uncomfortable but bearable although I felt sharp pinching and she explained that my cervix is curved and uterus is tilted back and due to the angles, she could not perform it vaginally but felt she could abdominally. She they tried that, and it was so much worse. She had to try four different entry points and I was in unending pain. She was not successful and as soon as the needle came out I burst onto a cold sweat and blacked out, coming to hyperventilating and sobbing. I told them I thought I had enough information and wanted to talk about termination but she said they won’t schedule it there without confirmation from the CVS and I could try Planned Parenthood.

They advised that I return in three days for another attempt which I did schedule but after speaking to my primary OB, I feel like I have more than enough information to TFMR. She was very compassionate and supportive and helped me get the process started to schedule a D&E on Monday in a hospital setting.

My question now is please give me advice on recovery- specifically what supplies I can buy in advance to help the day of and in the days after.

I just got my MaterniT21 Plus results back today with a positive value on trisomy 18 and I am alternating between numb and distraught. I had my blood drawn at 9+6w and have a fetal fraction of 10% with a PPV of 25.9%. I’m 32, two other healthy children. I did have early spotting and bleeding this pregnancy with a confirmed sub-chorionic hematoma (SCH). Because of this I have had several ultrasounds and baby was measuring slightly behind so they moved my due date back by 4 days, but I also know I ovulated late. At the 7 week ultrasound the heart rate was 119 and at the 9 week it was 170 bpm.

It’s a Saturday so I got the results on my labcorp portal and have not been able to talk to my doctor and probably won’t until Monday.

I have some questions.

1. How fast will they get me seen by a genetic counselor?
2. What is my likely next step(s) and when?
3. Why is my PPV 25.9%? What does that mean and how would MaterniT21 come up with that?
4. Does my fetal fraction matter or number of weeks?
5. Does the heart rate or moved due date or SCH factor in?
6. My husband wants to remain cautiously hopeful but I don’t know if I can keep my hopes up. I’m very close to thinking of this baby as already gone. Is that the right approach? How do I mentally prepare myself?
7. Any suggestions on what to tell family members who know we are pregnant?
8. Any suggestions on what to tell my five year daughter who is old enough to understand that mommy has another baby in her tummy and talks about it every single day with me? She is so happy and I am so afraid of breaking her heart.

Thank you for all hopeful and realistic stories, even if sad. I will be glued to this app for the foreseeable future.