Idk what to feel when my partner says “I’m doing it to make you happy”
So for context I (20y/o man) have had very little experience with relationships and, by extension, physical relationships. I’ve always been picky and wasn’t super interested in dating till after high school. So when I got into a relationship with my girlfriend at the time, I was kinda playing things by ear and just trying to be the best partner and boyfriend I could be.
The issue I was facing at the time was with my kinks/fetishes I’ve kept to myself for my entire life since I stigmatized them quite a bit. I have a submission and humiliation kink along with quite a bit that falls under that umbrella. Alongside the specific a high school bullying (specifically wedgie fetish) and a growing cuckold fetish.
When I told my gf at the time I was incredibly nervous but she was very supportive and through time she realized that it wasn’t necessarily something that I really liked, more of something that i needed. This was something I felt incredibly guilty about since this was something she didn’t understand. Many times we had talk and she would tell me that she doesn’t get why you’d want to be humiliated or cucked but she would do it bc it made me happy. While that’s a nice sentiment, I felt like I was being selfish. Many times I tried to talk to her about her sexual interests and try that but she never really said anything. Just that she felt like as long as I found her sexy and expressed that, that was enough for her. That guilt really weighed on me. I had felt that the cuck stuff made her uncomfortable since she had expressed she believed that I wanted that kind of relationship from her (which wasn’t true). Along side that I’d always have to ask for her to engage with it during sex. All that alongside my hatred for my kinks/fetishes really made me feel like a creep and a bad boyfriend since it was most of the time we had sex it was playing into my fantasies. I ended up leaving that relationship since, obviously, I had a lot to learn about and grow from. I’m doing better now and don’t look at my sexual interests in such a bad light but I don’t want to feel that way again.
When women say “I like it because you like it” or “I’ll do it to make you happy” in this context, is that ok and healthy for a relationship? And if I try to engage with her sexual interests and she doesn’t feel as strongly like my last partner, is that ok too? I’m learning but I’m still lost.