Partner wants more safeguards/guardrails after the last d day (3rd). He’s gotten a sponsor (was going to SAA but not working the steps and wants to now) and agreed to get rid of the lap top. We were already sharing location.
What monitoring apps are best for him? He has an android and I have an iPhone if that matters at all. Thanks in advance.
I’m on DDay # 3. After the second one 6 mos ago he came clean about some but not all after I confronted him. He started SAA and took therapy seriously. Never cut out porn. Had a near relapse on cheating I just discovered in Feb with an app. He came clean about a lot more old stuff from DDays #1 & #2 over several days (the not doing it at once thing really sucks) that had put me at risk last fall/winter.
He explained these patterns predate me (we’ve been together a year). Porn started as a kid, cheating in multiple relationships before me. He’s open to any way to move forward and wants to get to the other side. He has a lot of shame but takes total responsibility and says it’s all his fault. He wants to get a sponsor, work the steps instead of using SAA as group therapy, continue personal therapy, get monitoring software. I suggested getting rid of his laptop to stay sober from p*rn and he agreed that was best. He’s a week sober from that (if he’s honest).
I’m unsure what to do. He has been a loving partner. I’m traumatized because he’s been my person, he’s caring, supportive, loving but clearly isn’t safe.
How can I trust this time is for real?
Is multiple DDays common in recovering from sex addiction?
Does it ever get better?
Is trust ever possible?
I’m pretty traumatized, in pretty intense grief and having trouble sleeping. I do have a therapist but what else would you recommend? I’ve talked to a few friends for support.