Your college essay might actually be better if you explain less
I have been reading quite a few college essay drafts recently and there is one thing I keep noticing.
A lot of people actually have a really good story. The problem sometimes comes after the story, when they immediately start explaining what the reader was supposed to learn from it.
For example, someone tells a genuinely personal story about failing at something, trying again and approaching the situation differently. Then at the end they write something like, “This experience taught me the importance of perseverance.”
But do you actually need that sentence?
If I could already see the change through your story, I probably understood that without being told.
I have also noticed something similar when people are trying to get their essays under the word limit. They sometimes remove the small personal details first and keep the parts explaining their achievements, qualities and lessons.
Personally, I think those little details are often the best parts.
The random conversation you still remember. Something slightly embarrassing you did. Your initial reaction to a situation. A tiny detail that probably means nothing to anyone else but means something to you. Those are usually the moments where I start feeling like I am actually getting to know the person writing the essay. One thing you can try with your own draft is highlighting every sentence where you say things like “I learned,” “I realized,” “this taught me” or “I understood.”
Temporarily remove those sentences and read the paragraph again. Does the story already communicate the same thing? If it does, maybe you don't need to explain it.
Obviously reflection is still important. I am not saying an essay should just tell a story without explaining why it matters. I just think there is a difference between reflecting on an experience and explaining the moral of your own story.
Sometimes giving the reader a little more credit can make the essay feel much more natural.
Has anyone else noticed themselves doing this while writing their personal statement?