u/Subject_Bee4565

So yesterday for the very first time i decided since I'm bored, why not try this escort thingyy. Mimi huyo haraka kwenye site,browsed for a fine one yellow yellow and within some 2mins i got one. Hit her up and discussed the price then dropped the pin.

After some time,she came and was dropped by an uber. Exactly what i odered.Now it was tiiiime....i enjoyed it pretty much especially the head but the highlight of the day is tulipiga story sana..like for 2hrs after first session...she got to tell me alot...how she started it,why and how her day in the life is like,her family,tribe,..blah blah .. then did the 2nd half,was done then she cleaned herself,paid her and waved goodbye.

That was somehow relieving can't lie and i never felt any guilt in any way. I actually liked it, especially the courage to do that.

Tip: also their hygiene is top top tier btw and not the way people stereotype. Also i learnt that these escorts our regular girlfriends...and the girls we meet on daily basis and maybe take them on dates😂 only that we are ignorant and assume our girls are so innocent. She told me she has a boyfriend and the boyfriend doesn't know. Shakaaaa!

I feel like i came to this life to push others. All my 26 years i have never enjoyed. Struggles all over, from a humble background, struggling through college, finishing still no stable job,kazi nishai pata ni za 25k..every time i get an interview after many applications, i do well with them but they ghost!

I'm tired, I'm tired of seeing my peers make moves progress and enjoy things that they are supposed to enjoy in these years, while I'm here my prime tears passing by and missing out. I don't want to be getting money in my 40's i can't even appreciate it.

I'm so frustrated nowadays and i have so much anger towards myself and it is slowly turning into self hate.. nothing i touch that flourishes..why others and never me.

In a few i will be 30 having smoked my life with nothing to show or having lived any good experiences. I hate it this way and I'm slowly giving up. The weird thing is I'm daydreaming alot and i hate when people give me those shit motivation talks. My brain is now liking negative thoughts about myself or even being degraded(i don't know why). I'm so frustrated and hopeless.

Fuuck i needed to rant! I feel like sh!t. I don't know if i have a purpose here.

I was contracted in a company as an erp dev and let me tell you my guy,i have seen shege😂..untill i thought of buying inventor business books. Your work is technical but the finance dept tells you " we haven't done bank reconciliations because the uploaded opening balances don't follow the bank flow" so all over sudden i have to learn and know General ledger,trial balance, invoice,COO,..in simple all accounting because for you to fix that technical problem,you have to understand the functional business flow of things.Nowadays you need to know more or equip yourself with something extra than just "coding" because AI for sure writes fast and even better code if prompted well.

I think this is why many devs fear being Erp developers. Ni kazi. But that separates you from a generalist "react developer"

I 26M,2 days ago i was talking about how nothing is moving on my side.

Almost 2 years after graduation and still not landed any job. My relative has been hosting me all that time and it's like he's getting tired. I had gotten a kajob inalipa 17k but ikaisha late last year. Resulted into learning skills,but sijapata any job.

Now my problem is that i have been having depression since kitambo 2021. It all stemmed from having an autoimmune condition and hardships of life. I used to isolate myself in the room in school,cry and all that. I conteplated kujimaliza mara bob sana. To curb this,my mind sought something to numb the feeling and i resorted to masturbating every other time I felt down to regulate those feelings. Slowly by slowly it became an addition. This is something that has also ruined my life.

My girl also left me yesterday and I'm still trying to absorb that. We've been together for long and in a way,she stabilized my life a lot. Now she's gone. Now I'm here wondering when will it get better? Honestly nimechoka. Nikiangalia mbele naona tu darknes. I have lost hope in everything and nothing entices me at all in this world. Naskia sitaki kuendelea kuishi miaka ingine mimi,i have had my best life during childhood na sina purpose ingine kwa hii life. All my friends that we were close to,their lives are doing better and me here fighting for my life.

Nafanya research ya kitu nitameza inimalize tu hata kama nitaskia uchungu,it won't matter coz nitadedi tu finally. Siezi jirusha mahali juu kuna chance naeza survive nivunjike na nisidedi.

One thing,i know how to pretend na hata wakati nitakua naenda kujimada,hakuna mtu atasuspect juu sijai onyesha anyone signs apart from isolating myself. It might not be tomorrow or next week but soon. It's giving me euphoria coz nimeweka thought ya mashida zangu zinaenda kuisha.

I was this ambitious high performing kid since primary to having a degree in engineering but i never pictured myself being almost 30 with nothing in my name but depression, masturbation addiction with lonely thoughts and isolation since 20 yrs,email full of jobs applications with no responses,never started career,my youth smoked like that,all ambitions shattered and finally against my will giving up.

I'm crying writing this and i think on a normal smiley day kama kawaida,i will face my biggest fear and never will i have to suffer again.

My life just feels so fucked up rn. Nothing to look forward to and i just get tired thinking of waking up the next day .No job at 26, everything i touch just doesn't work. for the last few days i have been feeling so empty and nothing excited me anymore.

i just want to feel numb because nitachizi ama nijimalize. I have been depressed since i was 21 btw and its getting worse now,i don't see any reason to continue living in this miserable life. The sad thing is people close to me never realize since I'm good at acting that I'm okay. The family people every time blame me and even kunitetesha because i don't call them but never ask why don't i do calls.

where am i supposed to get the drugs? i suppose they can't give without prescription na hata pesa ya consultation sina mimi. I just want to be numb