Do you have cheatday/s?
I am 21 F and I have been living with an eating disorder since 2020.
It started with bnlimia. Then it became an0rexia. Since then, it has felt like a cycle. Whenever I gain weight, I tend to go back to bnlimic habits.
One thing I have never talked about is how afraid I am of water. My brain keeps telling me it will make me heavier, so I avoid drinking it. For the past six years, my routine has stayed almost the same. I only eat dinner between 7:00 and 8:00 PM, usually vegetables or meat. No rice. No bread. No carbs.
This year, I started letting myself have “cheat days” every weekend. At first, I thought it was helping because I finally gave myself permission to eat foods I had been avoiding. But now it has reached a point where once I start eating, I feel like I cannot stop. I end up eating everything I see with no restrictions. Strangely, I have not noticed any significant weight gain, but mentally it feels like I am losing control every weekend.
I do not even know if these are cheat days anymore or if this is something else.
Has anyone else in recovery experienced something like this?