u/Suck_My_Force69

I thought I was okay.
I convinced myself I was okay.

I was surviving the days, keeping myself busy, trying not to think about you as much. I thought maybe I was finally reaching that point where missing you didn’t hurt the same way anymore.

Then I saw you joined Telegram.

And suddenly something inside me cracked in a way I didn’t expect.

My mind instantly went somewhere I hate: you’re moving on already. You’re open to meeting someone new. You’re ready to give someone else your time, your attention, your laughter, your softer side, your insights, your curiousity, your taste in music.

And here I am, still trying to gather pieces of myself after everything.

I know joining an app doesn’t automatically mean anything. I know I’m probably creating stories in my head. But emotions don’t always listen to logic.

I keep asking myself why life feels so unfair sometimes.

Why do other people seem to get the best parts of you, while I got the confusion, the pain, the uncertainty, and all the things that broke me? Why did I love you so deeply and still end up feeling like I got the version of you that couldn’t fully choose me?

I thought I was okay. I really believed I was.

But maybe healing isn’t as linear as I wanted it to be. Maybe some days remind you that the wound still exists even when you thought it already closed.

I don’t even know how to grieve this properly because I’m mourning two things at the same time:
the love I thought we had… and the person I became trying to keep it alive.

I loved a woman who kept cheating on me behind my back with her exes. I stayed through lies, mixed signals, disappearing acts, and the constant feeling that I was competing with ghosts from her past. Every time I tried to leave, she’d pull me back with affection, promises, and moments that felt so genuine that I convinced myself maybe love was just “hard.”

But in the end, I realized something devastating: I was never really the one. I was the comfort person. The emotional support. The placeholder. The side chick in a relationship I thought was real.

And the part that hurts the most?
The love of her life was still her ex. The one she kept going back to. The one she genuinely desired. The one she enjoyed sleeping with while I was busy giving her loyalty, patience, understanding, and every soft part of me.

I know toxic love isn’t healthy, but why does it still hurt like withdrawal? Why do I still miss someone who made me feel so unwanted? How do you stop comparing yourself to the ex she could never let go of?

I think what broke me wasn’t just the cheating. It was realizing that I kept trying to earn a kind of love she was freely giving someone else.

If anyone here has survived this kind of heartbreak (especially in wlw relationships where emotional attachment runs so deep) how did you heal? How did you rebuild your self-worth after feeling like you were never truly chosen?