Facing one of the worst phases of my life right now
Not the worst phase because that will always be the phase when my mom died suddenly. So, I’m having one of the worst years of my life. I’m 31, married, and currently homeless and temporarily living my father. Husband and I were kicked out of our rented flat last week because the owner built it illegally and we were given only half hour by the govt officials and the police to pack our “essentials” and get out. We lived there for 2 years. Our whole life was there and 80% of our stuff is still stuck. They sealed the building! Spouse had to travel on a work trip to the UK literally a day after the eviction for a MONTH so we drove 1200 kms overnight to come to our hometown so that I have a place to stay with my father. I never had a good relationship with my father even when mom was alive and after she was gone, the relationship worsened. We don’t even talk apart from the very generic topics such as whether and what to eat! He has never asked me how I am doing. Once I was sick for 2 weeks and couldn’t call him so he also didn’t call me “because I might be busy”.
I feel like I’m dying over here all alone. None of my friends are in the city anymore (I’ve never managed to make so many friends anyway). I’m extremely depressed and dreading the work which I hate but can’t quit!
I had an abortion over a month ago because we don’t want kids and foolishly weren’t being careful enough.
Is everything that is happening a punishment for the abortion? My mind is playing so many tricks right now that I can’t even think straight! Anyway, this was just a venting post. Might even delete later.
Thanks for reading this far.